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Leave a Message or Flowers
22 May 2024
Son, I still miss you every day. I love you always and forever.
Diane L. Davis-Glore
18 February 2022
Jason, I pray for comfort and peace to you and to all your family and friends
Ann Pogue
16 February 2022
We think of you a lot! You are truly and deeply missed! Love, Tee and Geoffrey. Go Blues!
Terry Durgin
26 January 2022
hello Jason, happy 40th birthday!
first of all, I’m just a person who got once in here accidently and read all the messages put on your grave. it was one of the sadly best stories. how weird, complicated, and fragile our lives is! I waited January to see if anyone of your family will show up here with a message.. but alas, no one did. honestly, I think it was incredibly great that they have been going on greeting you and talking to you and wishing you the best wishes for nearly 20 years. it takes huge love and deep faith for such thing to happen! I have alot of questions and a lot of sighs on the…way your life took. I hope you are in a better place, you and danielle. I wish I read soon something new from your mom, your aunty, family members, or friends. but if not, then one can understand. no one knows what happened to them during the last two years. I hope that they are all well.
bye Jay.
13 January 2022
Thinking of you, on your 40th birthday!!! Love you brother and keep an eye, on your little brother!!
Matthew
13 January 2021
Thinking of you, on your 39th Birthday 
Matthew Magnin < m.magnin@yahoo.com >
13 January 2019
Happy 37th Birthday, Jason. I love you.
Mom.
Diane Davis-Glore <DianeA717@aol.com>
20 February 2013
Well Jay –
There’s nothing to tell you that you don’t already know.
You see all us down here doing what we’re doing.
You know that we miss you and will never forget you.
It would be nice if you would show your Momma that you know that we know that you know.
Go Blues!!!!!!
Tee <tdurgin@riversedgeproducts.com>
20 February 2013
Holding your family in prayers as they grieve, and live, for a bright and shining son. Mom, the way you move through life with optimism, hope, faith, and light, is a true witness to “living on” and “living strong” for Jason. I believe, Jason is guiding you on the path. Thinking of you in a special way these days.
Barb and Phil <prosheag@mac.com>
20 February 2013
Jason, I think about you a lot. You have a wonderful, beautiful daughter who is so talented. And she now has a little sister and another one on the way. Amanda has done an outstanding job of raising her along with her husband. You would be so proud.
<Robin.Mechler@courts.mo.gov>
20 February 2013
Hey Jay!
Just sayin’ “hi!” Think of you often and today especially. We miss you here but know you are in a better place. Seen Danielle? When was the last time you visited your Mother??? Get on the “phone” and “give her a ring!” She misses you dreadfully. We all do.
Much love and Auntie hugs,
Tam <tgeist12@comcast.net>
13 January 2012
Jason,
Happy Birthday. 30 years old!!!!
We miss you Jason, very much.
Please look in on Eric. He needs a good friend.
Love you much.
Tee <tdurgin@riversedgeproducts.com>
13 January 2012
Jason,
It has been a long time since I have been on here. First and foremost I would like to say Happy Birthday. Today you would have been 30. Wish you were here to celebrate it with everyone. I pray for your mom and the family all the time. Sorry to hear about Danielle but I hope you two are celebrating together. Until we meet again keep and eye on your family. Especially your daughter, I have seen pictures of her on your moms page and OH MY she looks so much like you.
Happy Birthday Jay!!!
Kira <KIRABUZICK@allstate.com>
DianeA717@aol.com
19 June, 2011
Happy Father’s Day, Jason. I miss you still. . .guess I’ll never quit missing you. I know you’re able to see things and be with us, and I am glad about that. Isn’t your daughter something else? Alyssa is a wonderful girl, and she brings a lot of joy to a lot of people. I love the stuffing out of her! Thanks for keeping an eye on all of us here, and for your help keeping an eye on Danielle and watching over her through her physical trial. I’m sure you’ll be with her always, but please stay close until she’s totally well. I’m sure you’re with Alyssa today, being as it’s Father’s Day and all, but know that I’m thinking of you too. I love you! Mom
Danielle Yagjian (nst666@aol.com)
12 January, 2011
Hello Jason,
I just wanted to stop by and say Happy Birthday…I also want to thank you for being my angel and helping me get through this battle..who would have ever thought i would be fighting for my life in my twenties..I ask you to please watch over me and guide me through this.. I miss you! xoxo
Matthew Magnin (m.magnin@yahoo.com)
25 April, 2010
Dear Jason,it has been eight years, now!! Your daughter is so beautiful, she looks, so much…like you!!! Elliot and Veronica are doing great, their two daughters, are so beautiful!! Your mom and dad are doing fine!! Emil’s son is almost 6, now!! Clint’s two daughters are 5 and almost 2, clint and Stacie got a divorce, but both have found new loves, in their lives!! My mom and dad send their love. Emil, clint, and i send our love, too!!
Love, matthew magnin
Danielle (nst666@aol.com)
13 January, 2010
Hello Jason,
I know its been a long time since i last wrote but please know you are thought of daily.. I cant believe that 8 years have gone by so fast. I hope you are watching over all of us and smiling down.. I wish you a very happy birthday and look forward to seeing you in the afterlife! Love & miss you!! Danielle
terrydurgin@att.net
13 January, 2009
Happy Birthday Jason.
I think of you often.
Love,
Terry
Anonymous
13 January, 2009
A little birdie on my shoulder told me that it’s your birthday today! (Well, a few little birdies actually). I wanted to leave you some birthday wishes and thinking of you. I never got the opportunity to meet you, but I know, through knowing the people who loved you, how incredible of a person you were to them and the amazing way you impacted their lives. But just between you and me, I ask you to please watch over him. He struggles sometimes, but he deserves to be happy. Obviously, I can’t know much because I wasn’t around, but I can tell how important you two were to each other. I get the sense that you leaned on each other and were that strong force in each others lives. He is missing that strong force now, so please continue to be his angel and just be with him. He misses you a ridiculous amount. Help him and help us through this time. I’m sure you’ll make sure that whatever happens in the end is the best. I trust you. You know him. I am happy to have had the opportunity to experience this much so far. Wish I could have known you. – My love to you, and to him. Thank you. And peace to you always.
nst666@aol.com
09 January, 2009
Hello Jason,
I know it has been a long time since I last wrote to you. So much has happened and I am sure you are very aware.. There still is not a day that goes by where I dont think about you. Now that things have settled back down from buying the house and planing the wedding I can start to continue my visits back to visit with your mother.. I will be coming soon i’m thinking Feb. with my mom once again. I didnt really get to spend alot of time with everyone when they were up for the wedding so it will be nice to be able to hang out for a few days.. I miss you Jay! See you soon
love
Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
27 December, 2008
Merry Christmas Jason! Again, we missed you this year! Just isn’t the same without you, Jay. Having said that (again), did you get a chance to check out Alyssa this year? Is she a hoot or what? She REALLY looks like you this year! Oh my goodness! And I’m guessing you’ve been keeping a watchful eye on Elliott and his two girls! He’s having a tough go of it since your departure from here, but think he’s beginning to come out of the fog. I love him so, but he’s so much like me that I know that he’ll have to do everything on “Elliott time” – not anyone else’s. Well honey, you come visit me soon! I love you. I’m sending you a hug, a kiss and a tickle or two!
I love you Jason, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Forever,
MOM
Don.Magnin@maritz.com
14 November, 2008
hey jason,I didn’t know you had a website! I can’t believe all the visitors,you have had! I just wanted to say ”HELLO” . I know we weren’t best friends or anything,like you were with Emil and Clint,but we were friends and we both liked to play hockey,up at Oak Hill School!!! Elliot has two beautiful girls,by the way. Clinton has two beautiful girls,also named Nevaeh Ruthann and Autumn Rose. They are planning to move into a bigger house,before Christmas. I am the godfather of Autumn. Emil has a son named Ayden Patrick Lewis and I am his godfather, also. I don’t have any kids, yet! I can’t believe your daughter is 6, already! Nevaeh is going to be 4, in January,Autumn is 5 1/2 months and Ayden is 4. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Merry Xmas! Have a Happy New Year,too. My parents are doing fine,too. I always liked talking to your mom or your dad,while you and Elliot were talking to Emil and Clinton,like when we went to the Ice Cream Parlor,up on the corner of Osceola, those were the good old days. Elliot and Clint are still working at Penny’s BBQ. Chris Dietemann has a little girl named Riley ,she is 2 or almost 3.Clinton has a new dog named Beamer. I am working out at Maritz, where my mom and dad work. Will close for now.
Love Your Friend, Matt Magnin
DianeA717@aol.com
15 June, 2008
Hi Jason! Happy Father’s Day! I’m heading up to put some very bright flowers on your grave today for Father’s Day. Hope you like them. Don’t know who else might be visiting your grave site today, but you well know that everyone loves you and misses you on a daily basis. How life would be different for so many people here had you decided to stay with us. But, I know you were suffering and that you’re at peace now. So, enjoy the flowers! Oh, and did you see Alyssa at her dance recital last weekend? Was that something else or what? I’ll tell you what – she’s got your build and smile (and laugh). Oh, and be there with Elliott for the next arrival! Yes, your little brother being a dad for the 2nd time – – – weird, eh? Just seems wrong that you’re not here . . . it really does. Well my son – I love you so much. I have to go now – because I’m beginning to cry – – and well, I want this to be the best day for you. Forever together in spirit, Mom
kira@simmermaker.com
01 April, 2008
Hey Jay,
Sorry it has been so long since I have stopped by. Actually I have stopped and looked but have not written in a long time. Things are going good here, for the most part a little stressful. My son Wyatt is getting huge, he is three now and good lord does he show it!!! We are getting ready to build a new house and I am in the process of getting my Illinois Insurance agent license, hopefully here soon!! I feel really bad I have not been down to see your mom in a long time, well over three years, I am going to get down there one day and let her meet Wyatt, sometime real soon. I just wanted to drop by say hi and let you know that I have not forgot about ya!! Who could? Feels good to say hi again, but I do miss you a lot and can’t wait to see you again, I am looking forward to it in a way. Talk to ya later.
Lots of love,
Kira
nst666@aol.com
22 February, 2008
He is a friend to remember,
a friend we love so much.
The memory runs through my mind
of the last time we touched.
He lived a life of happiness,
a life filled with love.
And from one little mistake he looks
down on us from up above.
He was always there to make you
laugh when your day was going wrong.
Where was he the day where we
had to say “so long?”
Why did it hafta end
this way in so much pain?
Since he left this world, things have
never been the same.
I can no longer look forward to
tomorrows anymore,
because I know that they will never
be the way they were before.
Not seeing his face,
not hearing his voice.
I wish there could
have been some choice.
Life can begin and end so fast.
The memory of Jason Glore will always last.
I wish there was some way
I could have said goodbye.
The thought of him runs through
my head as I look up in the sky.
Knowing he is looking down on us
with a smile on his face,
remembering the life he lived before
he left this place.
We miss you Jason…keep watching over us!
31 December, 2007
Hello Jason,
Well here we are the end of 2007 and still I think about you everyday. I never thought in a million years that my life would be so influenced by some one who i knew for just a short period of time. I thank you everyday for what you have left me and the guidence you provide to me. As I’m sure you know this is going to be a very busy year for me, the wedding, buying a house, graduating hair school, traveling to see Dan and angie get married. I am looking forward to it and I ask that you watch over us all this year and be there for every occiasion if you can. Jason we all miss you so much and pray that you are at peace! Happy New Year My Angel!! I love you with all my heart.
Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
24 December, 2007
Well, it’s Christmas Eve 2007. . . the tree is lit, gifts are wrapped, and the twinkling of lights are in nearly every room of the house from where you left this world. There are even lights in the basement. . . and I hope you can see each and every one. Tomorrow, Alyssa will be over to open her gifts, and I will be thinking of you . . and missing you. Lorili will be here too. . and, oh, how I know how you must be watching and enjoying your Alyssa and Lorili too. Please be with us tomorrow as much as you can. . . and feel free to let me know you’re around. I know you’re okay, but miss you so much. My tears are of missing you. . .and are my body and heart’s way of expressing that. Merry Christmas my dear son. . . I know that God is blessing you each moment. I look forward to reuniting with you in my dreams and whenever it’s my turn to be with you.
Love always. . .
Mom
06 November, 2007
Jason, I am missing you so much lately. . please come and see me. . . if you can. . Love always, Mom
29 June, 2007
Hi Jason! It’s Mom. I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written to you. . . and I apologize. You know I still talk with you though – – and I’m sure you’re listening. So, tonight we took Alyssa to see Ratatoullie. . .cute movie. . . and I think she enjoyed it. She got to sit with a friend from her Saturday morning dance class, and they had a nice visit. Isn’t your daughter getting big? 6 years old, Jason! 6! Can you believe it? Please continue to watch over her and keep her safe. You’re doing a great job from where you are, and we’re doing our best from this end. So, how’s Grandpa doing? and the rest of everyone there? Please say hello to everyone . . . and I’m sure it won’t be too terribly long until we’re all together again. Time here is – well – time. . . and I’m guessing (only a guess) that there just isn’t a thing known as “time” where you are.
Elliott and Veronica are back together, and I think that’s a good thing. At least, it seems to be working out well . . . and Lorili (isn’t she cute?!) – has her mommy and daddy with her. Alyssa sure loves Elliott, and he’s a good uncle to her. I do wish that you were here . . . for Alyssa, for Elliott, and for me. I do miss you so much. You know that when I think of how you left, it just breaks my heart thinking about how much pain you were in. I’m so sorry Jason. I’m sorry I didn’t try to help you more. . . or that I couldn’t take the pain away, or that I couldn’t really understand it as clearly has I should have – or that comprehend it enough. I know you’ve forgiven me, but I guess I still have so much guilt about not being there for you enough. My inability to be totally aware is frustrating.
Well, my wonderful son, I’m glad that you are where you are at peace. I miss you, and I love you very much and always will. Thanks for the many signs you send to all of us. I look forward to any message from you, and I hope to get to a place of peace where you can come to me clearly (so I can see you) soon.
Don’t be a stranger!
All my love,
Mom
nst666@aol.com
27 June, 2007
Jason,
I know i have not wrote to you in awhile things have been busy and stressful. I’m sure your well aware on the situtation with my grandfather seeing that I have been praying to you for support for the last few days.. He seems to be pulling through and hopefully things will be fine.. I want you to know that there still is not a day that goes by where i dont think about you.. Your my guardian angel and i love you with all my heart.. please watch over my Papa…
Love Always
Danielle
08 January, 2007
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! Well here we are 2007 I just hope things are going to be nice and smooth this year. I am really sorry that I did not make it out to see you and the family for new years like I was planning. I am going to try to get there in February for my birthday and then mom will be coming to visit me right after. Oh and if you could maybe be there for Elliott in some way right now I think he needs a little love from you in any way that you can send it through.. I miss you with all my heart and look forward to seeing you again someday!!
Love always,
Danielle
d.holmes@caponeiron.com
22 November, 2006
Hello Jason,
I just wanted to stop by and say Happy Turkey Day to you… Your in my thoughts a lot lately and thanks for the little visit with me and mom while I was in town.. I love you with all my heart!!
Danielle
amanda@simmermaker.com
19 October, 2006
Its been a long time since I have talked to anyone. I was just looking thru the garden and thought maybe I should drop u a line and let ya know how much I miss ya, the tat on my leg should say it all. I have a little boy now. Things have changed so fast it’s not funny. I am going to make my way down to your mom’s house here soon so I can see everyone again. I still think about you a lot, a lot more then anyone will ever know. I think about the night we meet at my bday party in Illinois, that day will be here Thursday and that is usually a hard day for me now. Then I think about the good times like booze cruzin and seeing that cop, ditching our beers by the stop sign and then as soon as we lost the cop we went right back to get them. The night the Yankee’s played world series and you and Dave bet me they would lose. To many drinks that night. Those were the fun times. I love and miss you Jay always in my Heart Kira
Check ya later
Kira
d.holmes@caponeiron.com
13 October, 2006
Hello Jason,
Well I’m coming back once again.. This time I promise I will come by and see you more than once, if it’s not too cold. I plan on spending a lot of quality time with Mom and Elliott. I also have to meet up with Samantha she is kinda lost I guess right now and needs some cheering up…a good girls night out..LOL So how are things on your end? I have been a little disappointed that I have not felt you around at all. It was nice to hear that Elliott had a dream about you even though he was not happy with the dream.. Are you trying to tell him something. ha-ha Today is your nieces 1st birthday, make sure you stop by and check things out over there.. I wish I could be there for it, I can’t believe how fast time goes by. I am off to the circus tonight with a few of my kids..LOL I miss you with all my heart and look forward to our meeting up some time in the future.. I love you
xoxox
Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
13 September, 2006
Jason, I love you, we all love you, and we miss you very much.
Love always, Mom
d.holmes@caponeiron.com
24 August, 2006
Hey Jason,
I know it’s been awhile since I last wrote….Every time I come back to write so much has happened. Jared and I are over for good now, I don’t know what happened. It is so hard to care and love someone so much and not have them love you in return. I guess this is just another thing in my life that is going to make me a stronger person, and the next guy in my life better watch out!! Hahaha So I have been out to visit the family a lot in the last few months and things are going very well. Elliott and I have become a lot closer and he is doing great with Lorili you would be so proud of him. I got to finally spend some time with Alyssa while I was there and we had so much fun. I showed her the picture of me and you from Clearwater and she asked “why you were holding me like that!” and then she said “awww look at his smile!” I thought I was going to lose it.. She is so smart and picks up on everything. I love the fact that I am such a big part of your family now, I love them all so much I can’t imagine my life without them. I thank you over and over for the connection you have made for us all. Well I think I might be heading back to visit for Labor Day. :O) I hope to hear from you soon. I miss you and love you with all my heart..
Love Always,
Danielle
stew@moondoggieproductions.com
01 August, 2006
Hey J its Stewball.. I just found this site and, well I guess you know already but Mom is up there with you now, she allways liked you man, thought you were a good kid and had a huge heart. I don’t know what to say man, I havent been to your grave in so long.. Its like I cant force myself to go, I don’t know why, I still remember when we met up, what was it maybe 2-3 weeks before it happened? Remember? We met in the dennys parking lot, I hadnt seen you in years and it was so great to see ya man, I was on cloud 9 for a long time about that, just that I got to see you, and then I remember Brain calling me at around noon the day after it happened, and I was like “no way, not funny B” and when he told me it wasn’t a joke, I broke down, damn man, I miss you so much, there are days where I think about you, and your mom and E, and wonder how the old crew is doing, but after graduation and finding out mom had cancer, I was just preocupied with it, so please man, I know this is kinda rambling on but ya know what im tryin to say, please watch over mom and show her around, and if she hasn’t already meet her up with her sister Vicky, cause they need to hang out some allright? But I love you man, and I miss you
-Stew
Furbabystarr@aol.com
23 July, 2006
Michelle x
d.holmes@caponeiron.com
05 June, 2006
Dear Jason,
I know I have been slacking in the communication department, but things have been finally getting back together after a crazy few months.. Jared and I are back together which I am very happy about. I was lost without him, he was and still is my life and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I also got a new job which has been working out in my favor. I got a promotion after just a month. I am now the office manager and making a lot more money. I will now be able to visit your family a lot more I am thrilled. Then I have my friends wedding, that is breaking the bank and I also have to get a ticket to come out for Samantha’s wedding. Then on top of it all I get the phone call about Elliott. Which I hope you are there for him right now, he really needs it. I am hoping to get him to come out here for a visit I think it would be good for him.. He has so much to offer and I believe this is a great start to a new beginning for him. He is a great father and I know he will make good choices throughout the rest of his life. I am doing the best I can to help him and your mother out with everything I know I am not you but I try to be there for them the best that I can. So I hope I am keeping up to your standards!!LOL Well Jason I have to get back to my work and I will talk with you more later. Miss you lots! Oh and if you had anything to do with Jared and I getting back together I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Love you always,
Danielle
Nst666@aol.com
17 April, 2006
Hey Jason,
I know I have not wrote in awhile.. Things are crazy once again. I got fired from my job for not changing my schedule, and then I got denied umployment. So money is extremely tight right now. I feel really upset that I had top tell Samantha I could not be in the wedding. I am still going to try my hardest to get there to at least see her get married. I feel like she is very upset with me, but at the same time she needs to understand that I can’t afford to even pay my car payments right now. I Have been on a few interviews and also have a few more this week so hopefully I can get down there.. Jared my even come along with me. So your Mother sent me pictures of Alyssa’s birthday and Easter.. I can’t believe how big Alyssa is now. She is growing into a beautiful young lady and she still looks like you. As for Elliott and Veronica they also look wonderful. Lorili is growing just as fast as Alyssa. I am hoping that I can at least get there so i can see everyone.. I hate waiting longer than 4 months. I miss you all so much. Well Jared and I are off to the Celtics game tonight. I love you and miss you very much. Hope you had a wonderful Easter!!
Talk to you soon!
Danielle
wiley78@earthlink.net
10 April, 2006
Jay,
Ok, Well I know that it has been a really really long time since I last wrote to you. I mean I write to you almost everynight in my book but on here I really havetrouble doing this. I wish that you were here and I did not have to do this, I know that you are watching over all of us and I know that you miss us as much as we all miss you. Jay there is so much going on right now and so much I have to say but first let me say MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This year has been a heck of a year for me good and bad things. As you know I lost my son whom I would have loved more than anything. I miss him very much I wish that I knew why what happened happened but I don’t and I think about lil Patrick all the time. I know that he is up there with you and you will make sure that he knows I love and miss him very much. I would have done anything to save his life why things happen the way they do only the big man up there knows. I guess God just thought I was not ready or some other reason. Please just tell him I miss and love him very very much. I still have not looked inside the box and I really wnat to but I am crying just writing you so I know that I will ball when I look inside that box to see my SON!!! I will one day. It’s getting closer to the day that he should have been born and it’s really hard for me to deal with that. I no that everything happens for a reason and I will be ok. I know that you will watch over him for me, and that helps a little. Your mom is the best she is going to go through the box withme when I am ready and I know that she will be there for me. I know that my mother would to but I think she is still taking it hard as well. Jason please watch over all of us we all need you. Ok, enough of that I can hardly type I am crying. So good things I have this great wounderful man in my life Robert whitch you know because I talk about him all the time and Jay you really would have liked him. He treats me with the respect and kindness that a man should to a women. You know everything I have gone through with Eric and Shayne and Robert is the best. We are getting married on Aug the 12th I hope you will come and visit. I would love to feel your presents. HE is the best he tell me that he loves me and not only that he shows me that he loves me. He talks to me about things I have a hard time with and he makes me feel good about myself. He always tells me I am so pretty and smart and the perfect women and he can’t believe that he gets to keep me forever. I don’t really talk to anyone in the “group” much anymore but I have to say that my life is going a little bit better. I don’t have to deal with evrything like I use to. I mean I still see your brother and Vern and the babie and god jay she is a cutie. but I don’t see them or talk to them much I wish that I did but everyone is so bussy with there lives that we all hardly have time to go out or get together anymore. I just hope everyone is doing well. Danielle and her mother cam down not too long ago and we all have a great time I love Danielle’s mom she is great. You would have really liked her. I miss Danielle though we don’t talk much and I hate that I know that she is really bussy and so am I but I wish I had the money to fly up there every month to see her. She is like the sister I don’t have but I do have becasue we are so much a like it’s wierd. I really respect her. I miss her. Well I am going to get some sleep now but I will keep in touch. I miss you very much and I love ya. Samantha
“Teresa Durgin” (Teresa.Durgin@washington.k12.mo.us)
21 February, 2006
Hello Jason and may I just take this time to say you are still missed by all. I would also like to say I am still thankful for the sit up with Mr. Durgin. Of course, you know that we are very happy and can not get enough of each other’s time and company. I got to spend some time with your Momma this past weekend. I love doing that and I never have much of a chance anymore. My fault. I hate driving with all the road construction. It makes me a nervous wreck! I used to think Auntie Fern made up all of that who la about driving anxiety and night blindness but guess what? It’s all true!!!! Okay, so it’s probably a punishment for thinking it was made up but the fact reminds that I can hardly stand to drive anymore and I can not see at night! Therefore, I do not get to see your Momma as often as I would like, but we did have a good time this past weekend. Visit the women, okay? Alright, then visit her where she gets the sign, how about that? You know she deserves it and it would make her happy. I’ll stop rambling and get back to work. You make sure that Grandma Davis knows what a fine fellow I married, okay? Tell Uncle Paul and Uncle Muriel I said hey and that they’re missed.
Love,
Terry
DianeA717@aol.com
20 February, 2006
Well Jason, you’ve been gone 4 years today (Feb. 20, 2006). How I miss you still. Although I know you show up in different ways from time to time (the number 13, the number 5, electrical stuff happening, perhaps a song, any number of things really) – – but I really – REALLY would love to see you again . . . if only for a moment. It would be nice to just hug you once more – tell you that I love you. I guess I’ll always wonder if you really know that I love you and Elliott – and that if I could bring you back – and make your life happy – I would in a second. I’d take your place – but I would only want you to come back if you could really enjoy being here. To be here and hurt like you did – that is not what a mother wishes for her child. A mother (or parent) only wants her child to be happy and healthy. I look forward to seeing you again – healthy and happy. Feel free to come visit – – I’ll be waiting for you. Waiting for you – and waiting to hug you,
Mom
P.S. Happy 4th Angel Day. We’ll all be thinking of you today.
“Danielle Holmes” (DHolmes@lexingtonhcc.com)
10 February, 2006
Jason,
I am coming out again! I just can’t get enough I guess! This is my birthday day present to myself. Just so you know I have recently found out that I have some thing wrong with my heart, the doctors say that it’s not anything life threatening as long as I take care if it. So I have the option of taking medication or going in for the surgery. As we all know I am not good at surgery..lol but they say that the surgery will cure it. I have been reading up on the disease and the surgery and recovery (which maybe I should not have done) all the talk about going anywhere near the heart scares me. I will be carrying around a heart monitor for the next 30 days (my new fashion accessory) and hopefully they can catch the rapid heart beat, then I go in for a echocardiogram to get pictures of my heart to make sure there is nothing else wrong. From there I decide on the surgery. I ask that you watch over me and guide me through. I will talk to you more when I come out to visit…Oh and my birthday is coming and you owe me big time still for 4 years ago, so you better save up all your energy to let me know your around. I don’t care if you smack me in the face…lol But remember you owe me!!! I miss ya!
Love always,
Danielle
“Irene Winter” (iwinter105@hotmail.com)
14 January, 2006
Jason I’m Danielles Aunt Irene, Another year has gone by..but you are still in everyone’s thoughts. Danielle has grown into a wonderful young women, I’m sure you are watching over her and can see for yourself. She misses you very much, a friendship like yours doesn’t come around to often. So when you find that special friend you want to hang on to it forever. She talks about you often and visit your family, she has a very kind heart and will never let the feelings she had for you go. She is one very special women to our whole family too, she has had a tough young life, but some how she has overcome all that. As you can tell she has a very special place in my heart too. I have many nieces and nephews , but she is my shining star out of all of them. You have left a great impact on her, and I know she writes you and talks to you all the time. I know you must have been a fine young man, because ever note I read brings tears to my eyes….people always write whats in there hearts because sometimes the words are hard to say. I know God is watching over you and you are watching over Danielle. Peace be with you!!!!
DianeA717@aol.com
13 January, 2006
Hello Birthday Boy! Happy 24th Birthday! So, I hope you’re celebrating in some manner today. Grandma said she got up this morning and when she went to see what time it was, both clocks read “7:11 a.m.” – the exact time you popped out 24 years ago today. So, she definitely recognized your “hello” to her today. As for me? I’m waiting!!!!! 🙂 I hope you enjoy the decorations this year. . . I even put a hackey-sack up there in case your buddies wanted to kick it around should they stop by today or over the weekend. It was so beautiful yesterday for January – high 50s, and today it’s cold – in the 30s, and very rainy, so I don’t know how many visitors you’re going to get today other than family. We’ll chat more later, as I have much to talk with you about, and some favors – but today is your day to enjoy – and I know our time is of no real matter to you there – enjoy all of the positive thoughts, enjoy all those who are remembering you – missing you – those who loved and still love you – and if it’s possible (like you did with Grandma) let those folks who love you so much know you’re around them still. I love you – miss you – but know you’re fine – and wish you a great 24th birthday, Jason. From all of us here, myself, Big Tim, Timmers, Danny, Elliott and Veronica – and baby Lorili (she’s cute, isn’t she?!!), Alyssa (hasn’t she grown?!), your Dad, Grandma Geneva, Uncle Dan, Branka, Uncle Bean, Sue, Andy, Jenny, Danielle, Samantha, Eric, Alan, Shane, Brian & Crystal, David, Kelly, Amanda, and all of your buddies, friends, co-workers, casual acquaintances, all of our old neighbors, teachers, old classmates (J.C., Stewball, Jeff P., all your hockey buds), your grade-school friends – – everyone – – to you from them . . Happy Birthday, Jason. . . we all miss you and love you. You live within us.
With all of my love,
MOM
“Danielle Holmes” (DHolmes@lexingtonhcc.com)
12 January, 2006
Hey Jason,
Just dropping you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I can’t believe that it’s about that time again.. The days just seem to go by so fast lately. I’m sorry I didn’t get to write to you around the holidays it was just so busy with family and work, you know that I was thinking about you! There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think of you. I have been looking for a flight again so I can come out and spend time with Mom again, the last trip just wasn’t long enough. Oh and I need to see your niece again too, she is so cute I just can’t get enough of her.. So nothing new going on, just the same old crap. I will be out to visit you soon. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jason, Happy Birthday to you!!! @—>—-
I just wanted to thank everyone for writing to Jason and his family through this website! I never thought I would get such a great response when I was setting this up. It means a lot not only to me but Diane too, she loves to hear the stories and how much Jason touched everyone’s lives. I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart and I encourage you all to write as often as you can.
Love Always,
Danielle
Marie Buzzetta (buzzetta@slu.edu)
03 January, 2006
Hi Jason, My name is Marie and I am so sorry that I was never able to meet you in person. I am a friend of your mother and Tim. I can tell by reading some of your flowers that people have left you that you were truly a wonderful and loving person. This January 28 will be 6 years that I lost my sister Judy. If you can look her up she is a fun person and loves to camp and fish. I feel her loss everyday and I can’t even imagine how hard it is for all those who were blessed to have known you, especially your mom. When I’m with your mom she makes me laugh and forget all my problems she is a wonderful person, but you already know that.. You and your brother were blessed to have such a good mom. I know she misses you very much. Stay close to her and the family. Someday we will all be together again with our loved ones and be able to celebrate as one big family. I now have another angel to pray to, thanks Jason for being there to listen. Keep in touch. Love and Kisses, Marie Buzzetta
“Davis, Andrew C. ENFN” (davisac@boxer.navy.mil)
28 December, 2005
Jay,
Its your Cousin, well it’s been quite a while since i have written you. I hope your doing ok. I saw your mom on Christmas and she seems to be doing great. Everytime the family gets together there is always something missing. I think we both know WHO that is. We know your there with us in sprirt and you should know that we all miss you like crazy. Well im in the Navy now and live in San Diego. I wish you were still with us… i know you’d be out here partyin it up with me. Well jay i’m always thinking about you and i was hoping you would watch over me…. i leave for Iraq on September 13th. I’m gonna need you Jay. I love you man. Andy Davis
Scott Davis (SDavis@lacledegas.com)
22 December, 2005
Jay,
I did not know you very well but I want you to know that you are missed and loved very much. Can you do me a favor and say hello to all of our family and tell them that I said Merry Christmas.
Love
Scott
Gen1734@aol.com
20 December, 2005
Hi Jason,
I’m thinking of you everyday and remembering you in my prayers. I continue to love you as dearly as ever. Love, Grandma Geneva
Robin.Mechler@courts.mo.gov
20 December, 2005
Jason, I think of you often. I wish you could be here this holiday season. You have a very cute little daughter, who exudes personality. You also have a new-born niece. Your brother is very proud of his baby girl. Anyway, now your mom is doubly blessed with two granddaughters. Wish you were still with us. Love, Robin Mechler
JOYB624@aol.com
20 December, 2005
YOU WERE ALWAYS A VERY SPECIAL GUY. YOUR SMILE WAS CONTAGIOUS. GOD MUST HAVE WANTED YOU CLOSE TO HIM SO HE COULD BEHOLD YOU FACE TO FACE EACH DAY TO SEE THAT SMILE. YOU LEFT YOUR SMILE ON A LITTLE ONES FACE. SHE IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. I WISH YOU COULD HAVE STAYED LONGER TO HOLD HER AND SEE HOW PRETTY SHE IS. THANKS FOR LEAVING A BEAUTIFUL MEMORIAL BEHIND. MERRY CHIRSTMAS, JASON AND FAMILY. AUNT JOYCE
“Teresa Durgin” (Teresa.Durgin@washington.k12.mo.us)
20 December, 2005
Hey Jason-
Merry Christmas. I bet the choir is beyond words and the music-ahh. Thinking about you this Christmas, not that that is anything new to you. I would love to see snow. Check and see about snow for January 2, 2006, okay? We miss you and think of you often.
Love,
The Durgins
DianeA717@aol.com
17 December, 2005
Dear Jason,
I felt you last night in a dream. I felt the heartache of your death – the loss of you – something that cannot seem to allow myself to feel during my waking hours. The pain and sorrow were unbearable. . . and the sorrow woke me from what I assume was a very deep slumber. I don’t know why it was that it happened now. . . perhaps because just now I am able to handle the sorrow. My inability to allow myself to really feel the pain of losing you in such a tragic death seems to have surfaced. Perhaps with each passing day (and night), I will allow the emotions and hurt to come through. . . perhaps be able to face the fear, the hurt, the pain. Thank you for sticking with me through this. I realize you’re really not that far from here – only one breath away – but, to me, here – where I am – it’s a very distant breath. Perhaps my lack of soul-searching over the years, fear of facing who I am, what I am about, confronting my good and bad and really looking at myself – to allow myself to see what choices I’ve made with this gift of life – of being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, grandmother, friend, and all of those things who make me who I am. . . my influence on you – your life, on Elliott’s life, and everyone whose life I’ve been in contact with in one way or another. . . has effected my ability to cope, to be honest with who I am. I need to look through the reflection of myself in the mirror to really see who I am. I got the feeling, you’re trying to help me with that. . but can only get through when I’m asleep – when I am more emotionally available. Thank you. I do love you. Also, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. I invite you please show up for the holidays. . . in whatever way you choose. Of course, your showing up so I can actually SEE you would be fantastic. Perhaps I’m ready for that. You’d know about that one. If, from where you are, you know I’m ready – please know I wouldn’t want you to postpone that idea! I miss you, Jason. Don’t be a stranger! Oh, and tell Grandpa “hello” too – and I hope he’s doing well. With deep love for you, MOM
“Danielle Holmes” (DHolmes@lexingtonhcc.com)
22 November, 2005
Dear Jason,
I thought today would be a good day to write to you, I am having a horrible day at work and it is rainy and cold outside. So your niece did arrive and was very healthy. I got to spend a whole day with her it was great. I even got to spend a few hours with Alyssa, I think it is so wonderful that she knows her daddy is in heaven. It breaks my heart every time she tells me, but I love how she knows you through the family. I wish some day her and I will have a great relationship I would do anything for her. Your mother and I had another great visit and I even brought my mother to meet you, I wish your were here physically you two would have got along great. The last day was a tough one again, I just hate leaving your mother I feel like she is such a big part of my family, I hate not seeing her. Well this is nice to chat with you and take a minute to breath while I am here at work. Today is Jared and I’s 3year anniversary, I don’t think we plan on doing much seeing that we are saving our money for better things. I thank you for making me see what life is really about and this Thanksgiving I am thankful for meeting you and I am very thankful for lessons you have taught me. Happy Turkey Day…Miss you!
Danielle
13 October, 2005
Hey Jason,
Well it is Thursday Oct 13 and your niece is on her way!!! Everyone is waiting her arrivial as I write. I am sure you are watching over her arrivial. I am so excitied and can’t wait to come down and see her. I spoke with your mother and she said the Elliott was a little nervous when he called her, I’m sure he is just like you were the day Alyssa was born. I really wish you were here with us all to share in this special moment. So watch over your family and let them know your around today. Much love to you… love Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
11 October, 2005
Hi Jason. Well, how are things with you? Haven’t gotten any obvious signs from you lately, and I’m wondering where in the heck you are. Can you please send me a totally obvious sign soon? I miss you. I guess you’re getting a kick out of Alyssa and all of her antics these days, with her dancing lessons, soccer games, and new school. Yeah, I’m not real pleased with that choice of school for her either – – and the teachers are too old and impatient with those little ones . . the room is too crowded and, well, it’s just awful. That’s definitely not a place I would’ve sent you or Elliott – that’s for sure. Still, she’s not being mistreated, she’s just not in as great an environment as she was at the other school. Perhaps Amanda will move her once she and Jeff get their own place. I certainly hope so.
So, Jeff is good to Alyssa, and also to Amanda. I expect that someday Jeff will ask to adopt Alyssa, and I’m sure you’d be okay with that. You know, if he’s good to her and takes care of her like his own, I’m sure you would be agreeable to that should the topic ever come up. I know that if you were here, that would not be an option; but since you’re not here, well, I’m guessing you’d want Alyssa to have a father figure in her life, and Jeff is a good guy. So, yeah, I think that would be fine. If you don’t, then you’re going to have to let me know – in a very obvious, I-can’t-miss-the sign kind of way.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, and missing you, and wishing you were here in person – especially to share this time with your brother . . . and he’s having a tough time. Go to him Jason – be good to Elliott – but let him know you’re around and with him, okay? Okay kid, I’m going to take off here. I love you. I look forward to hearing from you.
With tons of love,
Mom
Nst666@aol.com
07 September, 2005
Dear Jason,
As you know your mother came out to visit finally! We had a great time and My mom and your mother got along great, I even think they are now e-mail eachother…lol When your mom and I went to the medium I know her reading was awful and I hope you can connect with her in some way to let her know that your around. As for my reading it went well and I did tell your mother to stop smoking for you. Thank you for letting me know that you are around me and hugging me.. So I will be out to visit with you in October and to see your new niece. I might even bring my mother along this time. See you soon, much love to you… @–>—
Love always,
Danielle
01 August, 2005
Jason,
As you know Samantha is having problems with the baby. I ask you to watch over her and make her strong, please give her sign that if the baby does not make it you will be there for its passing. I hope a miracle happens.. If you have any pull up there now is the time to use it. Missing you :o( Love you,
Danielle
19 June, 2005
HAPPY FATHER”S DAY @–>—-
19 June, 2005
Hey Jason,
I wanted to thank you so much for the visit..I needed that so bad! Just showing up every few months helps me deal so much better. I hope you are making the rounds because I’m sure there are a few people who need to know your around them right now..As for me I’m satistified and always remember “True love lasts a Lifetime!” Miss your cute smile. Love Always Danielle
“Danielle Holmes” (dholmes@healthbridgemanagement.com)
06 June, 2005
Hello Jason,
Well what I feared most about going to Elliott’s wedding seems to be happening. I feel so bad and just wish that every thing would just work out and people would just grow up. I had a wonderful time at the wedding, Elliott and Veronica seem to be very happy. She is a great person and I bless her for being able to put up Elliott all the time, we all know how he can get some times…haha I am looking forward to visiting again in October to see your new niece, I can’t wait. I also want you to know that you have a good group of friends and they are always very polite to and it’s a great feeling that they treat me so well and as for Sam she has taken a place in my heart and don’t worry I will help her out and guide her the best I can. you also need to help out which I know you are always watching over everyone and we all thank you for that. I go to meet JC what a great guy he is, everyone says you two look a lot a like and at times your mother was gazing at him. I do see a little bit of a similarity maybe from the nose down. But don’t worry we all know that you are much better looking…haha It was nice to be the first one to take him to the cemetery to see you, he had great things to say about you just like everyone always does. Once again your mother and I got to spend time together which is always a pleasure and I feel bad because every time I come out she cries at least once a day, she says it’s a healing process for her. I did get to see the video of you playing hockey which was very exciting and sad to see at the same time because I knew you loved it so much, but getting to see you was heart breaking. Well I have to end here I have a lot of work to do today. I wish you could have physically been with us for the wedding, cause we would have made one hot couple…lol Missing and Loving you daily, Hugs & Kisses Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
06 June, 2005
Hi Jason. . . it’s Mom. So, I felt/heard you tell me that you would be there for Elliott and Veronica’s wedding, and I could feel your presence at times. I must admit that my emotions were everywhere that day, but I know that you were there. Didn’t Alyssa look beautiful? She did a great job as flower girl. I know you must’ve been very pleased seeing her. Elliott has grown so much, and although connecting with him may be as tough (if not tougher) as trying to reach me, I do ask that you continue to send him a message here and there – anyway you can. You would be an uncle here, and I suppose you still will be an uncle . . although a distant uncle. 🙂 You know what’s going on again since the wedding (history repeating itself), and I’m torn on whether to totally let go or just ride it out. I’m asking you to guide me and stay with me through this. I’ve grown very tired of having to deal with all of this, and understand more and more each day why you took your life. I’m so sorry. I know that my words with you the last few days were strong, but I also believe that you know that, as your mother, I was doing what I thought was best as your parent – and to help you grow. Had I known all the other pressures put on you by others at the same time, perhaps my “tough love” or “parental lecture” might’ve been postponed or never uttered, but I didn’t know. I was trying to love you and guide you the best way I knew. I had no idea the news you had been told on that previous Sunday . . . So, back to Elliott and Veronica. . . . he seems happy, doesn’t he?! Still, I really hope he goes ahead and gets his GED so he can get a better job with better hours. I know you would like that for him as well. Any help from above would be greatly appreciated, I’m sure. Can you come visit me soon? I know that my emotional wall must be so tough to break through, but please, Jason, don’t quit trying. I’ll write again soon. Keep a watch over Elliott, your sister-in-law Veronica, your baby girl Alyssa, and of course, all of us still here wishing you were too. You are sorely missed, and will always be.
I hope to see you soon.
Love always,
MOM
“Danielle Holmes” (dholmes@healthbridgemanagement.com)
19 May, 2005
Dear Jason,
I don’t know what you left behind but everyone in St. Louis is having babies!!!! I just can’t believe how many of my friends are getting married and going to be parents. I always thought I would be the one who would get married early and have my own family and look where I am now.. I don’t even have a boyfriend anymore!! I love the single life but there are times I get a little lonely and wish Mr.. right was around, but who is Mr..right any way?? I guess it’s time for me to focus on getting another degree and working on a career. I’m sure somewhere along the line I will find some one…I hope! Well it looks like I will be out visiting a lot this year.. I will be there next week then in October to see your new niece or nephew?? then another new years in St. Louis to be with Samantha when her little bundle of joy comes along. It’s crazy!! So I will see you in a week. Miss you and love you lots!! smooches:O) love always Danielle
Nst666@aol.com
02 May, 2005
Hey Jason,
I don’t even know where to begin, even though you probably saw everything over the last week and i’m sure you laughed your ass off at Samantha and I. We had a wonderful time I could not have asked for better weather. I am so glad I asked Sam to come with me, although she couldn’t keep up with me when it came to drinking and staying up late which I am very surprised. We met a great group of people and I hope we stay intouch with them, they live in California. Oh and I am so sure you had to have seen Samantha get stuck in the ocean!!! lol I never laughed so hard in my life. I know you would have done the same by standing there and taking pictures and laughing at her, Hell NO was I going in that water! lol Well I will be out there in a few more weeks to visit you and Sam and I will sit and visit with you and tell you all our stories. Hope all is well with you and my god rest your beautiful soul. Miss you more than words can describe……….hugs and kisses
Love you Danielle
27 March, 2005
Happy Easter Jason!! I know it’s been a while since I last wrote to you. I have been trying to keep everything together here. I have so much going on in the next two months with work, my trip with Samantha, Mary Kay, and your brother’s wedding, oh and then my friend just asked me to be in her wedding next july so I have to start putting the money away.. I am excited about the trip, Sam and I are going to have a great time and I know your going to be watching over us and I’m sure you will be laughing at us the whole time…! Then Elliott and Veronica’s wedding that should be a blast..I know you will be right there standing next to Elliott and supporting him through the next few months with the birth of this baby and all.. Jason he misses you so much and I know that he wishes you were here to share all these life changing things with him, so please visit or contact him some how and let him know you are around.. Oh and the day of the wedding please for the family’s sake and mine keep everything under control I know you know what i mean…!! ;O) Well Jason I have to go set the table for dinner. I will write again soon. Miss you more than the easter bunny can hop!!!! Love you always Danielle
Lavina Boykin (lavinaboykin@sbcglobal.net)
14 March, 2005
May your bright smile forever live in the hearts of those left behind.
Lavina Boykin
“Kim Scullin”
13 March, 2005
My heart and prayers are extended to you. I wish I had the “magic”words that could help but there are none. I know…my son, Michael, took his life several months ago. He was my heart and it is broken. I still can not believe he is gone. God bless you……
Kim
“KATHY WESTCOTT” (kathy_westcott@msn.com)
01 March, 2005
Dear Diane,
I know that I do not keep in touch as much as I should but my thoughts are always with you, especially on a Sunday when I always say a prayer for you and two other friends who have lose their sons also, I can only imagine the pain and hope through this pain you will find peace and strength through our Lord Jesus Christ who works miracles in us all , if we allow him, may he bring you inspiration from this great loss. Love Kathy Westcott.
JOYB624@aol.com
23 February, 2005
You left without a goodbye but, you left a smile in our hearts. Whenever we were in your company, you never failed to smile your beautiful smile. May you have peace in the love and smile of God Himself. Till we meet again, All our love, Marshall and Joyce
“Altepeter, Tim” (tim.altepeter@wsfinancialgroup.com)
22 February, 2005
Hey Jay…we just celebrated your anniversary Sunday…celebration because that’s what it’s become…I’m continually surprised by the quantity and the quality of the people who love you and whom you loved…the more chances I get to know them better, the more I can see why you chose them for friends…Jay, I miss you sometimes …I still expect you in the kitchen sometimes…you know, you always used to be the only kid who ever asked me how my trips were…I always appreciated that, and told your mom that…I missed that after you left, but then after a short time, Elliott started asking me and that was pretty cool…lately even Tim has 🙂 …nice way to get the ball rolling my friend…and the very nice part for me Jason, is that when they ask me how my trip was, I always get to think of you…thanks for that memory…I still miss you son…and I love you.
Tim
DianeA717@aol.com
21 February, 2005
Three years. You should be here – driving me nuts. Well, I guess you’re still driving me a little nuts because I miss you so much. I know you’re not that far away, but it sure would be nice to see you – in person. I did get your message today through the balloons. I put 10 blue ones on your grave, and by the time Terry and Geoff got to our house today, there were only 5 left. When the kids went up later tonight, there were still 5. So, I guess that #5 of yours came through loud and clear…we all know that you were with us. Thanks Jason. 🙂 Today was, as you well know, warm like the day of your funeral. It was a beautiful day. Elliott went fishing, as you know, as did Veronica, Jimmy, Dave, Allen, Shane and Eric. Brian was called but didn’t go. Samantha came over to the house after stopping by to visit your grave site. She placed some roses there from her and Danielle. She brought me a pink one; it’s so pretty. When Tim and I went to the cemetery today, we pulled into the usual parking lot by the chapel area (where we park all the time) and saw a person in the distance standing at the foot of your grave – just looking at your headstone. It was Allen. We walked up with the 10 balloons and visited for a bit, cleaned the headstone and the three of us tied the balloons to the flowers and holder that Grandma Geneva placed there for you this morning after church. We had to get back home because Uncle E was coming over to help Tim put some shelving up in the back basement closet (which is coming along nicely – you’d appreciate this – getting more organization in the house). Allen was still visiting with you when we left, and when Tim and I got into my car to leave, we looked toward your grave site and saw Allen standing there, alone, at the foot of your grave. The silhouette was fantastic – Allen standing there, totally still, wihile the balloons danced and jostled in the wind. It was, indeed, a Kodak moment. 🙂 You know how much I appreciate a great photo opportunity. After the kids got done fishing, they came back to the house and played poker. It was a festive day, one which I think you would have appreciated. You preferred to be around good times, so I’m sure you are happy to see everyone had a good time getting together and having fun in your honor and memory. Everyone who participated in your memory today by coming by the house are: Terry and Geoff, Susi, Elliott and Veronica (of course), Shane, Allen, David, Eric, Samantha, Grandma Geneva, Danielle (via phone – she’s in Florida – and I believe you’ve already paid her a visit), Danny, Tim Jr. Uncle E, and, of course, me and Big Tim. Oh – I nearly forgot – P.O. Howard Marshall even stopped by for a visit – not knowing that it was your angel day – he just happened to come by today of all days! (Unless you planned that, of course!) It was a good day – a happy day – and I thank you for that, Jason. We all thank you. And we thank God. Please watch over Elliott and Veronica, as they are beginning their new life together soon. Can you believe it? Elliott married and soon to be a daddy? I’m sure he’ll be a good daddy, but I’d like for you to stay by him and whisper in his ear whenever you think it’s time to do so, okay Uncle Jason? Sure wish you were here to help him with this, but please do whatever is heavenly possible. Tell Grandpa Murel hello, and that I’ll try my best to be more forgiving. I need to be more humble and less judgmental, and I hope I do so before I come to meet you both – I hope God can help me accomplish this and become more and more aware when I’m being too high and mighty. I guess I’ll end now, Jason. I love you dearly – you know that. I miss you, but know you’re in the best hands – God’s hands. Knowing you are held by those hands helps me get through each day. I hold you forever in my heart and with all my love,
MOM
Hawayn5@aol.com
20 February, 2005
Jay,
Well, i have to say that it has been three years and I tell ya what it still feels like yesterday! I told you that I met Danielle and we are going on a cruise and I can’t wait. I went up and seen you today and that was hard and the roses that I put up there one is from me and then on is from Danielle the PINK one is from me and the RED one is from her and I talked to you and you know that you should be here and that way we could be hanging out and doing all the things that we did before. I miss you Jay and you will always be in my heart, and with me for always and forever. Uncle Jay that has a nice ring to it I think and I am so happy for your brother and V and I am honnored that they both asked me to be in there wedding and I can’t wait. All I can ask of you is to look over them and help them. I am going through a lot right now with Eric and this other guy and I am just lost Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I miss ya and I love you! I am at your mom’s right now and we are visting and talking and everyone is here. I love your mom to death Jay and I just want you to know and I know that you do know that she loves you very much and we all miss you!!!!! Keep watching over all of us!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
Love always and forever;
Samantha
Gen1734@aol.com
20 February, 2005
Dear Jason.
I know you really don’t need a letter from me, your already know I went to Mass and offered this Mass for you plus lighting a beautiful seven day candle in front of St. Anthony holding baby Jesus. We were annointed this morning during Mass and I ask the Lord if he would allow this annointing with Holy Oil for you too. Went to the cemetery with my donuts and coffee and a bouquet of flowers too. The baloons I took you on Valentines Day was all twisted up around the beads and It took me a long time to untangle all that mess. I remember how much patience you had to untangle knotted xmas lights and etc. I took the easy way out and broke the suckers off. I know you benefit from our many prayers so I’ll continue remember you everyday in my rosary and other intentions. Love, Grandma
“David Themes” (dthemes@prodigy.net)
20 February, 2005
Jason,
I wish you and your family peace and contentment.
from your cousin Jean
“Peter Pavlovic” (therese.pavlovic@virgin.net)
20 February, 2005
We think of you always Jay. Can I ask that you hold Paul’s hand like a big brother and watch over us all. We love you. From the Pavlovic’s in England
“Irene Winter” (iwinter105@hotmail.com)
20 February, 2005
Hi Jason…I’m Danielles Aunt…another year has passed by and still she thinks of you with a heavy heart…wondering how things would have been if you were still here with her…she has been very strong thru the years…but she can’t seem to move on..she keeps alot of her feelings to herself…you have made a big impact in her life..in the short time she had known you…she is a very strong lady…but something is holding her from moving on….so once again you have touched another persons heart…and she memories that she can hold on to…if you could give her a sign that your watching over her….maybe she may be able to move on a little more….I know she misses you…she talks about you often….you may be gone from this earth…but you will always be in her thoughts and heart….may god walk with you always….Irene
Daviscnd@aol.com
19 February, 2005
Jason, you were a little boy the last time I saw you and you grew into a fine young man. You have a great smile, adorable daughter and you are terribly missed and will never be forgotten. Be at peace.
Cindy
“Angela Saul” (asaul@wowway.com)
19 February, 2005
Dear Jason,
We send our love, thoughts and prayers for you and your family on this third anniversary of your death. We know that you are safe in God’s loving hands as you wait to be reunited with all of your loved ones.
Love,
Your cousins Angela, Jerry and Mackenzie Saul
Columbus, Ohio
Nst666@aol.com
19 February, 2005
Dear Jason,
Well where do I begin? Things are just so crazy and I am sure you are seeing it all! The past few weeks are really taking a toll on your mother, so if you could please stand by her and let her know she is not alone i’m sure it would mean a lot to her. How crazy is this that 3 long years have already passed, you know whats even more crazy I turned 22 yesterday!! And if that was you dropping the cup in the kitchen to let me know you were here thank you so much! Isn’t it amazing how time flies by it seems just like the other day you were waving to me from that car window, until Feb. 20, 2002 I think that was the hardest thing I had to do, to let someone you know you are madly in love with just go, and never know if you will ever see them again. Jason if right then I knew that it was going to be the last time, I would have never let you go, I would have done everything in my power to find away to be with you. You have taught me to never sell myself short and to always go for what I want. You always did give great advise which now that I have meet Samantha I know where you were getting it from..LOL jk. Speaking of Samantha her and I are quite the duo and just wait til we hit Mexico!! You know being in Florida right is great in all but I feel like I should be in St. Louis sitting at the cemetery with Sam and telling stories. Although I’m an not there physically my heart is there and I know that your family knows that. You know it is getting expensive to go out there every other month, now with all this new stuff going on i’m breaking the bank..LOL I will coming out to see you in March and to also take Sam shopping then I will be out in April or May for all this Wedding and Baby stuff going on. Oh and Congrats on being a Uncle!!! I’m sure you will watch over Elliott and his new family, just give him the best you can. The last few times I have gone out to visit I feel that Elliott and I have really bonded, its the greatest feelin in the world because of the fact that I dont have any siblings and I even asked your mother if I could be an auntie!!! lol I know i’m crazy but i really feel like im and a part of that family the bond between your mother and I is amazing I have never experienced anything like it before and I hope not too cause she is the only other woman I would even consider calling my Mutha!! Well Jason there is some much more to say but I think I might save it for another day… You may not be here physically but your memories live on in each and every one of us and we will continue to share them with everyone we meet along the way. I love you from the bottom of my heart and every tear I cry is not sadness, but joy that you have brought into my life.
Love always and forever.
Your girl from BeanTown!!!
Danielle
P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day @–>—-
“Nancy Waldren” (nwald@copper.net)
18 February, 2005
Sadly missed by your family!
Aunt Nancy
“Teresa Durgin” (Teresa.Durgin@washington.k12.mo.us)
18 February, 2005
Happy Birthday Uncle Jason!! How cool is that, huh? Elli butt is going to be a husband and a daddy! I hope to be spending this weekend with your mom. Visit us, okay?
Love,
Terry
Nst666@aol.com
04 February, 2005
Although we have never formally been introduced, I feel like I know you. Danielle has introduced your spirit to so many around her. I feel that I have shared in funny times as well as sorrowful times, and yet we’ve never been introduced. Danielle and I share a common bond where we still feel the sting of losing someone we love. Not a day goes by where your name doesn’t pop up in our minds. Unanswered questions are asked again. Holding on to a voice, a smell, a laugh…a vision. The fear of having those things fade have vanished for me. Never will the smiles be erased. I know now that they can’t. Things happen for a reason, and something good always comes out of something bad….I know that sounds so cliche’, but I strongly believe it. Jason, although I may not be able to do the honors myself, I would like for you to look for my cousin Jennifer, that should be in the same place you are, and introduce yourself. You can’t miss her. You may already know her. You two may have been the ones that brought Danielle and I together. I do believe THAT is a “something good.” Well, send her my love and Jason…..thinking about those formal introductions makes being at peace with God’s hand in things a little easier to swallow. Love, Mel
Hawayn5@aol.com
16 January, 2005
Hello, Jay just wanted to tell you happy Birthday I went and seen you but it was so cold and snowing that I was not there too too long. I hope that you liked the ROSES!!!!!!! I have been talking to Danielle a lot lately and she is everything that you ever told me she was… She is a great person and has a good heart.. Also been hanging out with your mom a lot GOD I love her she is GREAT!!!!!!! Well, Hope all is well up there and I will hopefully be able to talk to you more when I get on line at house… Miss and Love you Always and forever. Samantha
“Angela Saul” (asaul@wowway.com)
15 January, 2005
Jason – Happy 23rd birthday from your cousins in Ohio. Wish you were here to celebrate it, but we know that you are safe in God’s care. Love, Angela, Jerry & Mackenzie Saul
DianeA717@aol.com
15 January, 2005
This birthday wish is from Grandma Glo (Gloria). What a beautiful poem, now that I had a good cry, may I say “HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAY’., love you and miss you………Love, Grandma Glo
(Jason – Mom again . . . this little message is from the main boss I had when you died. The judges I worked with at the time of your death were so wonderful. David Dowd was my direct boss, and then the next in line was Jack Garvey.) Happy Birthday Jason and God love your Mother. David Dowd
Jason – this message is from Carol (Keaton) Sonnenschein (our old neighbor who used to give you and Elliott Snicker’s candy bars with 50 cents on top for Halloween and popsicles during the summer: Happy Birthday Jason. I hope you get a lot of Snickers. Tell my Dad I love and miss him. Give him a hug for me. Love, Carol (Keaton) Sonnenschein
Nst666@aol.com
14 January, 2005
I did not know this young man, but I know this, I know he was caring and loving and unselfish, and a part of him was magical. I know this because my daughter loves him, and for this to happen to Danielle, he would have had to be a very special person. Jason may GOD keep you and protect you for all eternity, and maybe one day our Danielle can introduce me to you.
Danielle’s Dad
“Teresa Durgin” (Teresa.Durgin@washington.k12.mo.us)
14 January, 2005
Happy Birthday Jason. How’s Uncle Murel? I miss him too. You know Eric Durgin misses you very much. He has your picture on the dashboard of his new car. He put a pool ball with the number 5 up in the living room. Watch out for him, okay? Thanks Jay.
Love,
Terry
“Mike Carosello” (carosellom@mindspring.com)
14 January, 2005
Hi Jason, sorry this is late. Happy Belated 23rd Birthday. Though we are all missing you, I know you are looking down with my mom and dad watching over all of us. Give extra special attention to your mom who loves you so much and help her find peace in her heart. Again, we love you and Happy Birthday. Kiss my mom and tell her I love her and miss her. Oh and Dad too
Love,
Margie, Michael and Jessie Dog
“Mike Schneider” (mikejoe@adams.net)
13 January, 2005
Jason, I hardly knew ye, but your mom is definitely a hoot!!!! I’m so glad you had the years you did together. The richness of your legacy is clear from all your flowers, and your mother’s love.
Mike
DianeA717@aol.com
13 January, 2005
(This is From Aunt Jennie & Uncle John Walker)
Happy birthday to a wonderful, handsome and hockey loving guy. Wish you were here with your family to celebrate. Now I’m sure you realize how precious you were to them. Your absence is always felt when we gather. But I think you are there in our midst. We just don’t know how to recognize you. I hoped you enjoyed your Mom’s and Tim’s tribute to your loving Grandmother when she celebrated her 70th birthday. We thought of you often that evening as one friend after another wished her a happy birthday. Her most loved ones, her children and grandchildren, showed up and made her day. Love from your Aunt Jennie and Uncle John
Xo3unique2ox@aol.com
13 January, 2005
ALTHOUGH I DIDNT KNOW YOU I FELT LIKE I DID THRUOGH DANIELLE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON
“Irene Winter” (iwinter105@hotmail.com)
13 January, 2005
I don’t know you at all..but I know you have a very big effect on my niece Danielle……in some way you have changed her life completly….I know she visits your Mom and friends when see can…maybe she feels closer to you there….I know she thinks about you and talks about you all the time..she carries pictures of your daughter and shows her to us often….I also know she misses you alot….may god walk the paths of heaven with you ..you were much to young to die…Danielle’s Aunt Irene
Gen1734@aol.com
13 January, 2005
Happy Birthday Jaycie… I remember twenty three years ago so clearly. There was a big snow storm and I was visiting Grandma Bush when you arrived on this day, January 13th, twenty three years ago today…Diane called me from the hospital and I was so excited but also in New Athens, Illinois and a good distance from the hospital. WIth the snow storm swirling and the traffic not moving, I wondered how long it would take me to get back home to see you. After a good talk from Grandma Bush and your mom telling me not to come to the hospital anyway, I waited until the roads cleared and drove back to see you. A beautiful baby indeed and I was so happy to have a grandson. You are always in my heart and all my prayers. Everyday, I pray for you along with all my children, spouses, and their children. You are precious to me and very much alive in my heart and mind. I love you and I’m wish you peace, love and contentment. Love, Grandma G. (known to Alyssa as Weevies)
“Nancy Waldren” (nwald@copper.net)
13 January, 2005
HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY, JASON! I’LL BET GOD THROWS ONE HECK OF A PARTY FOR YOU! GIVE GRANDMA & GRANDPA BUSH A BIG KISS FOR ME! (GREAT) AUNT NANCY
“Jennifer Davis” (jxd0412@bjc.org)
13 January, 2005
Hey Jason, a very Happy Birthday to you from your Aunt Jenny and Coach Riley. I know, nobody else can believe it either. But I can. I’ve finally found a man who can handle me thanks to your Mom!!! God Love her and help her. For she knows you’re around but it’s just not the same. Never will be, as I know myself. But there are so many here who still love her and need her so, please help her remember that. The place wouldn’t be the same without her. All our love Jay, keep your angel self with your family. Love always, Jenny and Mike Riley.
Robin.Mechler@courts.mo.gov
13 January, 2005
Jason, just wishing you were here so we could all wish you happy 23rd today. I keep in contact almost daily with your mom and I am always there when she needs me. Just want you to know that I will never, ever forget you. I think about you all the time (believe it or not, even though I didn’t actually “know” you that well, I saw you grow up). I just really wish things could have been different for you. I’ve see your daughter, Alyssa, occasionally and she is the spitting image of you. You’d be so proud – your mom and Tim, love her dearly. Your mom even teaches her those little “quirky” songs she makes up occasionally. It’s so cute.
Happy Birthday,
Love, Robin Mechler
DianeA717@aol.com
13 January, 2005
Okay, it’s your 23rd birthday today and although you’re not here to celebrate, we’re just going to do that without you. I’m sure you understand. So, this morning, I did something in your honor and memory – I WENT TO MASS FOR YOU! I know, I know . . . BIG thing! So, I prayed as best I could and cried as little as possible without making my face swell up too badly! C’mon – I had other things I needed to do – like try and decorate your grave in a friggin’ snow storm here! Anyway, I remember 23 years ago – at 7:11 a.m., you arrived – healthy and just brought great joy to your father and myself, and also to your grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, etc., – and you never quit doing that until the day you decided to take a hike from this place. Well, I know you’re fine – but I still miss you so much here. It’s hard sometimes, Jason, to get through a day without crying, without blaming myself, without feeling like there was something I could’ve done – something I should’ve seen – something I could’ve changed – – even though I know that there wasn’t a thing I or anyone else could have done. I just miss you, and so do so many others. I think Elliott is really missing you this year – especially on Christmas Day – and I want you to make sure you are around him, with angels, as much as possible. Same goes for rest of us – but please focus on Elliott for now – this is my prayer to you. My prayer for you is that you are always surrounded by the most brilliant color and the most penetrating love you’ve ever known forever. I love you, Jason. Happy 23rd Birthday. Love, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
13 January, 2005
Dear Jason,
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jason, Happy Birthday to you!!!! Wow 23 today!! and three long years has already passed since you left us, i can’t believe it.. Time sure does fly by, since today is a thursday I would have already called you this morning for our normal tuesday thursday conversations, I would have had your mom go down and wake you up to talk. That was the best part of all you would be so tired but you would talk to me anyways and when we talked i know we both had smiles ear to ear. You were good at that, (making people smile) i just wish you would have stuck around a little longer to see how much you impacted not just my life but everyone elses around you.. When I’m in St Louis it’s amazing to hang out with your friends and see how much you are still part of thier everyday life. I just wish you could still be here physically and be apart of it. You know I’m going to get a little selfish right now and forgive me but i need too.. Jason, we all love you and miss you more than words can describe and i’m sure any of us would do anything to see you one last time just to tell you how much you mean to all of us.. If you just had more faith in yourself to make it and beileve me Alyssa would rather have her Daddy than any amount of money.. Samantha needs you as a friend more than ever as well as I do too… They say as the years pass it is supposed to get easier well i’m telling you right now on days like this it’s hard than the you took your life.. your supposed to be here to spend your birthday with the people who care about you the most.. I know I am supposed to sit here and thin that you are now happy and at peace where you are no longer hurting ut thats not enough for me some times I try to believe it and believe me I hope that is the case but i would so much rather you be here and have us all help you.. So now that I have gone off on a ramp page at you (sorry!!) I’m just hurt and still confused about this whole thing and after three years you think we would have a better understanding , but thats not the case.. So today Jason is your day and you visit everyone you need to, to thank them for remembering you on your birthday.. If you have time to make a stop in Boston I’ll be here wait with open heart and open mind.. Once again Happy Birthday and sorry for venting out at you… MISS YOU!! Love Always & Forever Danielle “Life isn’t measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.” I will say that Clearwater, FL was one of those moments for both of us.. @–>—
DianeA717@aol.com
03 January, 2005
Well, it finally happened. Your friends, Danielle and Samantha, finally got the chance to meet and had some time to talk. Danielle came in to ring in the New Year (2005) and she and Samantha got nearly the entire weekend to visit. They got along fabulously and, to tell you the truth, they’re a lot alike! They have those cell phones and text messaging things going like crazy! Must be cool to be so popular! So, your girls, including your baby girl, all were together on January 3, 2005, so there you go! I’m sure you got a kick out of seeing it all. How about paying all of your girls (including your MOM!!) a visit – to say hello and let us know you were around. We love you – always have – always will. Hope you’re having great fun! Love, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
26 December, 2004
Hey Jason,
I’m sorry about being late on wishing you a Merry Christmas things are crazy around the Holidays.. I hope you were watching down on all of your family and friends. My Christmas was pretty good santa brought me everything that i wanted. I did talk with your mother and everything seemed to be good over there.. I’m sure you were watching when Tim hit Veronica’s car on christmas eve… knowing you, you sat there and laughed… I wish i could have been with your family for christmas this year. i could not deal with all the crap going on around here.. Everyone around me is just so needy and wants everything to be about them and i cant deal with it.. As you know Jared and I just arent cutting it anymore.. I try to explain to him that we need to be apart but he just doesnt get it and i’m trying not to be rude to him but thats the only way he understands me.. if you have any advice please send it my way… I did talk to your mother about it and she was helpful and said if i need her i could call which i’m sure i will be calling her soon.. Oh i also talked with Samantha, jason she is such a nice person.. I am hoping i can get her and your mother to come out visit me soon. well jason just keeping you up on whats goin on even though i am sure you see and hear it all.. Although you are not her physically i know you are here in spirt and in memories… I miss you Jason more than words can describe… Hope you had a wonderful and Merry Christmas.. Love you always and forever Danielle
Hawayn5@aol.com
03 December, 2004
Jay, It’s me Sam I have had this e-mail address for a long time since it was first done got it from your mother, I am so embarissed that I have not written anything.. It’s not that I have not had time or anything in that nature but I am still tring to deal with you not being in my life… I still cry and think about you all the time…. I have so much to say to you and so much I wish you were here for.. I miss the phone calls late at night and the talks we use to have. I miss your simle and your laughs and the things you have said to me and the things that we have shared in the past. I miss the camping trips that we took to the Lake and I do have to say that was not the same after you had passed. I miss the way you use to teaseme about Shayne and Eric and the talks you had with me about Eric. I miss the ambishion and the talent of your drawings and I miss the rides to the wrong side of the town and the walks around the block, and so much more. I miss the wed. nights at the bowling alley, I miss calling you little SHAYNE(in side joke) I miss you very much and I know that there are a lot of people out there that do as well. It’s so hard for me to do this and I have a hard time finding the words to write to express how I feel, I am crying right not so please bear with me… Where do I start Jay there is so much I know that you are busy watching out for your family and your little girl!!!! But if you can hear me and see me then understand one thing for me I have loved our friendship sine day one and ill take it to my grave…. I will always have a place for you in my heart, a place where nothing can be broken. I keep you in my thoughts and dreams and you just keep me strong.. there are things I thought I could never get through and all I do is think of you and I just keep with it untill it done… there are so many things that again I wish you were her for… you know me I am a friend and i try my best to help everyone and keep the peace but sometimes it hard you know… I wish you were here with me so we could help eachother… I still to this day wish that I could have been there for you more then I was.. I wish that on the sad day that you did what you did that you woyud have just picked up the phone and called and talked to me….. I wish I could have been there for you as you were for me, when I was thinking stupid…. I keep our talks and everything that we had in side and I only wish that I could have gotten through to you as you did to me.. I never forget the time that we were camping and you fell in the lake and the time that superbowl when then RAMS won and you were here at my house and my highschool graduation hug that was unforgetable. I will never for get all the other times that you were there for me, like my grandmothers wake and you were there it ment everything to me to have you there b/c I remembered you always saying how much you hated them things but you were there for me and that was the day that I finially got to meet your mother at Q-T all the time she thought I was just a friend that you made up in your head… As welll and many many other time you were there when I just needed a shoulder to cry on or a friend to talk to….. well, I have more to say but it’s getting late so For now It’s LATER… never good bye… Love you always and forever, Samantha
Nst666@aol.com
29 November, 2004
Hey Jason,
Well sorry it took me so long to write to you about my visit, its been crazy with the holiday and work.. Well it was so nice to meet all of your friends and it was nice to know that you talked so highly about me to them. Alan was very emotional when meeting me, he and I had a good cry together. I’m sure you were watching. Samantha is awesome she has such a big heart and was very welcoming of me.. I wish i could have seen Alyssa but I dont wanna put your mother in the postion for Amanda to keep Ayssa away from her again..So what do you think about Elliott and Veronica? Crazy stuff Jason you need to be the bug in Elliott’s ear and guide him the right way. I hope they realize what they are getting into. although i will say they seemed to be a lot more mature from the last time i was down there. I will continue to support and there for them both. Well Jason I am off to bed I have a busy day tomorrow so if your around let me know i will be looking for you..Talk to you soon. love you Danielle
28 October, 2004
Jason,
What did I tell ya… We beat the Rams in the Super Bowl and we now beat the Cardinals in the World Series. I’m sorry to rub it in but I just have too..lol When I come out to visit I will be sure to leave you a little Red Sox some thing at the cemetery. I also have to bring the family down a few world series t-shirts..don’t worry I won’t forget about Alyssa she needs one too. Well Jason I will be comming down November 18th to visit I think I am a little over due, But then again so aren’t you. I have not heard from you in a long time, where have you been? You must be busy watching over your mom and alyssa. If that is the case then thats fine but if you just being lazy then get going and come visit me somehow.. Oh before I forget I would like to touch upon a little something with. Your Journal from High School, Jason you had an amazing heart the love you had for amanda was so strong i could tell by reading what you wrote. You cared so much for other people and not enough for yourself. i think you thought that you were on this earth to live your life for everyone else around you. Thats not how things are supposed to work youa re supposed to live life for you and i know once Alyssa came into your life you felt like you just could not live up to what was expected of you but I bet that what ever you could have gave her would have been fine with her as long as she still had a father. I know your family will do thier best to keep you in her life and i’m sure she will know everything about you and how much of a great person you were and will always be. i know that some day I will see you again but for now do and be everything you can for everyone who cares about you and needs you in thier life. Well I need to end here for the day because I am fighting back the tears. I will write again soon, Miss you more than words describe. love you forever Danielle
“Therese Pavlovic” (therese.pavlovic@virgin.net)
26 October, 2004
Hi Jay! I’ve been reading all the memorials to you. How amazed you must be that so many people have been touched by your spirit. I have my own memory of you, do you remember? Sitting by the pool, your baseball hat proudly worn (peak at the back) dying for a cig and a drink, it still makes me laugh. I have a picture of you in my kitchen, of course Paul’s picture is close by. I swear, you both share the same knowing smile. Only you will know how much we think about you. Do you remember buying your jeans in that shop, Sarah and me following you around like a pair of hippies while you were being ‘cool’ shopping for your clothes. You were not in the least bit bothered, you thought it was a hoot! I don’t need to tell you what’s happening in our lives, you can see everything now. (I bet you’r not that surprised). We love you Jason, but you already know that. Speak to ye later!
Nst666@aol.com
21 October, 2004
Hey Jason,
Well what do you think about those RED SOX!!!? I can’t believe we finally won. This city was crazy or (bumpin, like you used to say to me!!lol) I hope the Cardinals win tonight how great would it be to watch a game between STL and BOS. Just like the super bowl remember how much I ragged on you cause we won.. I have been wearing both my STL hat and my red sox shirt.. trying to support both, although I talked to your mother today and she told me that if the Cardinals win tonight she is not going to buy a Red Sox shirt..lol Jared and I are going to try to get tickets to the world series in STL so we can fly out for a day and maybe i can come by and visit you if we don’t make it thats fine I will be comming out in November right before thanksgiving. I miss you so much I can’t believe we are going on three years I seem like yesturday we were in Florida.. I really wish you stuck around a little longer just so you and I could have seen eachother again. Maybe just maybe we could of had something, something good. I believe we would have had a great relationship wether we were boyfriend and girlfriend or just friends.. There was a connection between us that I had never felt before, and I hate that I will never get to know what it was and i hate that you are not here with all of us who love you and care about. Please come visit one of us soon we miss you more and more as the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years go by. Love you always Danielle Go Cardinals!!!
DianeA717@aol.com
19 October, 2004
2 years and 8 months. . . You would be 22 had you lived. I wonder what you would be doing now had you not died. I wonder if you would’ve taken a trip to Boston, or if you would have moved out with Danny – – perhaps gone back to school. I’m sure we would’ve gotten the child support and visitation thing accomplished so you could’ve gotten on with your life, but I know it would’ve been made difficult for you to do so. You were a good son, Jason. You were a good person . . . perhaps too kind for this world. I knew you felt trapped; I could sense it. I didn’t know how to help you – – the world became too much and I couldn’t protect you from the pain. I always knew you were super sensitive – – and I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize the hurt and pressure you were dealing with. I’ve just learned of what your biggest stress was – the one that was told to you on the Sunday before you died. I so regret coming down hard on you that week – of all weeks – the time when you were struggling the most. .. but I didn’t know, Jason . . . I didn’t know. I wish you would’ve told me – so that I could’ve tried to help . . you know I would’ve tried. I love you . . . I’ll always love you. Just like I love Elliott. No matter what both of you do – whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing – – I’ve always loved you. We all make good choices for ourselves and bad choices for ourselves, and it’s just that we (older folks) tend to know what happens when you make certain choices. . . the results aren’t that different from generation to generation. I know you heard my warnings when we talked – and I’m sorry that it all turned out this way. I can’t fix it. I can’t bring you back. I can’t watch you grow. I’ll never see you walk down the aisle. Your brother won’t be able to ask you to be his best man at his wedding, nor will he be the best man at yours (which I’m sure he would’ve enjoyed greatly). I’ll see your daughter grow up without being able to interact with her daddy, but I’ll do my best to make sure she knows her daddy. I miss you so much Jason. God, how I wish you weren’t the one who died. Why can’t the people who cause the pain in this life be the people who die early? I’ll never understand that. I hope I can forgive them someday, but it’s still too soon for me to consider that. Please visit me soon – in my dreams – or just show up – and visit. I love you. Mom
Nst666@aol.com
11 September, 2004
Jason,
Here it is once again September 11th. Never in a million years would I have thought you would join those victims just a few months later. I will always remember where and what I was doing when this event took place. I so miss the conversations we used to have they were so amazing because when we talked nothing else was of importance. As each day passes I still hold you close in my heart. As I sit here and write to you there is a hurricane about to hit the Clearwater FL area. My cousin is currently living down there and I ask you to please watch over her if you could. Thank you Jason! May you and all the victims of 911 be at peace Love you always Danielle
01 September, 2004
Hey Jason,
Well it has been a month since I last wrote to you, I have been very busy. I am trying to open my own dance studio with a friend of mine. So we have been writing a business plan and trying to find people that are willing to invest in us…. The money is the only thing we are lacking at this point which for now is ok because we still have not found a space that we like in a good location. So thats what I have been doing. How about you? I have not heard or seen anything from you in a long time. Maybe I am just too busy to notice them. Well the house is almost complete and I am still unpacking. It is so nice to have a huge house it’s something I thought I would never have. So I am off to unpack some more and get myself together school starts next week already and in four months i will be finished thank god.. I will be talking to you again soon. Miss you Jason, come visit me soon.. love always Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
06 August, 2004
Whisper To Me My Son
Whisper you are safe
Whisper softly, my son I love
My heart is aching so
I need comfort from above
Tell me you are with me
Whisper gently in my ear
“You will always be my Mom”!
in the quiet I want to hear
My heart still aches to hold you
I close my eyes and see
Your face now two years later
And who you were to be
Through the memories I hold close
In the distance now so far
You’re more than just my child
You’re the twinkle in the stars
So I wait for you to whisper
I’m so sorry you had to go
As I try to laugh and live on
Though the pain and sorrow flow
One day we shall reunite
My angel, whisper words of grace
And I promise I will hold you
In another time and place
02 August, 2004
Jason, I miss you – and my heart has been very heavy the past few weeks. I’m not sure what it all means. . . if I’m ready to be with you, or if this is just the pain of missing you. What I do know is that I’m just not who I was anymore, and I don’t know who I am now – – I just seem to be existing. If you could help me from where you are – to somehow find my smile again, I sure would appreciate your guidance. Please don’t stay away too long – – – okay? Waiting to hear from you, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
29 July, 2004
Have a seat upon my cloud
Have a seat upon my cloud and make yourself at home
You are now inside my dreams, inside a book, inside a poem.
Where anything can happen if you only make it real
Plunge into my waters if you’re not afraid to feel.
Take off your shoes and close your eyes, relax upon my sand
Join me in my land of dreams, reach out and take my hand.
Let me share my dreams with you until you find your own
I’ll take you there if you believe, take mine out on loan.
Where birds are words so gracefully they glide across the sky
Leave behind your worries, here the rules do not apply.
Pick my flowers if you like and plant a seed or two
Paint the sky polka dots if you do not like it blue.
Climb my trees, face your fears; erase them one by one
See the world from up above and don’t stop at the sun.
When the world starts raining down and the sun is out of sight
Let your dreams control your mind and help you through the night.
There’s a place inside my dreams for all who care to roam
So have a seat upon my cloud and make yourself at home.
28 July, 2004
Hello Jason,
Well I just got home from the Josh Groban concert, it was the best $35 I have ever spent in my life. ( well besides the plane ticket to go to Clearwater Beach!!!) He was so handsome, and his voice is amazing. I will admit I did cry a little but I don’t feel bad cause your mother cried too. Well when I got home i had an email from a girl who was reading your website and it was very nice to have someone comment about you. See Jason you’re not here physically and still touching peoples lives.. I wish you could have saw that more when you were here. Well off to bed I go …miss you! Love ya Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
17 July, 2004
Hi Jason. Just wanted to say hello – and thank you for being my son. I know you can’t be with me physically today, but you are ALWAYS with me – in my heart, my soul, my memory, my everyday. I hope you can visit with me at some point today – just to let me know you’re around. I love you, and I miss you so much. Watch over your baby girl – she’s so wonderful (as you well know). Also, as always, I ask that you – and the rest of the group up there – watch over Elliott, Tim Jr., Danny, Big Tim, Grandma, Brian, Samantha, Eric, Danielle, Daphne, and Amanda – keep all of us in your light in them, and I know we’ll be fine. Tell Grandpa hello from us too, would you please? I love you, and look forward to hearing from you today on this – my 46th birthday. Love you always, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
04 July, 2004
Hey Jay, Happy 4th Of July!!! I bet you have the best view of fireworks! I am going to leave you this poem I found in a book I feel that it fits our relationship… Miss you Jason:O(
A Friend
What is a Friend? I’ll tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can go naked with him. He seems to ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you really are. When you are with him, you do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that cause others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely- you can avow your little vanities and envies and absurdities and in opening them up to him they are dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty. He understands. You can weep with him, laugh with him, pray with him- through and underneath it all he sees, knows and loves you. A friend, I repeat, is one with whom you dare to be yourself.
DianeA717@aol.com
22 June, 2004
Hi Jason! Sorry about the delay in wishing you a Happy Father’s Day on the web site, but I did think of you on Sunday as well as visit your grave site. I hope you had the opportunity to watch Alyssa Sunday; actually, I’m sure you keep an eye on her everyday. How about a little help in clearing up her ear problem? I know you have an “in” there! Tell both Grandpas and Grandma Helen to help out, okay? Love you very much always. Everyone here is doing just fine, and thanks for keeping us in your heart as well! Always wishing you were still here but healthy and happy, MOM
Nst666@aol.com
08 June, 2004
Hey Jason,
Well as for the other night, I am hoping that it was you that came through and that the lady in front of me was just stealing my reading!! …lol Well that is what your mother and are going to believe! So how are things going where you are? I’m sure your meeting alot of amazing people. You will have to tell me all about it when we meet again. Always waiting for a sign, whether it be by dream or of course the way you like to do it by scaring me or playing tricks on me.. I miss you! Love you, Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
28 May, 2004
Hi Jason! Happy Memorial weekend. . . You know, this is the weekend when you and Samantha, Eric, Brian and Erin, Allen, David, Jimmy, and the group all went camping. I think that with you being gone now, it’s just not the same without you for them. They’ve tried, and it’s just too different…so, instead, they’re planning on going to Erin’s father’s property to camp and fish. It isn’t as far away and the cost is free. Brian bought a house by Syberg’s, but I think you already know that. Please visit Brian when you can; let him know you’re around. Please do the same with Elliott (see he has Grandma’s car now?) – – and, of course, Tim Jr. and Danny, Big Tim, and, of course, Alyssa. And, last but not least, come see me soon! I’ve been feeling you around a bit more again, but I’d love to see you. I promise not to touch you, okay? Well, show up at Terry and Geoff’s wedding tomorrow. I’m sure you’ll be around – and happy they found each other. It was you, you know, that brought them together. 🙂 I love you, Angel Jay – – I always have and always will. Love always, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
15 May, 2004
Hey Jason,
I have not wrote in a month or so, I’m sorry. Things have been so crazy with the finishing of the house, finals, mother’s day, and birthdays.. Well I am glad to see that you have finally contacted your mother through dreams, i am sure she was very touched all day long. Well I have not heard from you lately so i am giving you warning that i am going to see John Edwards on june 4th and i’m hoping that you will pull through some how… Last time your mother, tim and i were waiting and we kinda had doubts about it. this time no doubts please send me something whether it be through you or someone else. I am giving you plenty of notice to be ready that day…lol Well Jason I have to get going because I am at work and not supposed to be on the computer. I miss you, and counting the days til we meet again. Love you always, Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
13 May, 2004
Hi Jason! Hey, it was great to see you in my dream the other night! What a riot! I can’t believe that one! Hiding from Mom like that – even though I could see you! You crack me up! So, how are things? Did you get to meet up with Grandpa? I hope he’s got a better idea on what love is about than he did here. Perhap this is something you can help him out with too! I know that I’ve been awfully rough on Grandpa (in memory and even when he was alive here), but doggone it Jason, he just didn’t have that “father” stuff down at all. Grandpa was more interested in what he wanted (it seemed). I know that I’m like that to an extent, but I do get a lot of joy out of giving, and I hope to be able to give more freely with each passing year. So, you know it’s Elliott’s 19th birthday today, don’t you? Well, sure you do! He’s already off to go fishing at Uncle Bean’s with Veronica and Clinton. Help them catch some if you don’t mind, okay? El is slowly beginning to work through some of the pain of your death by suicide, but I’m sure you realized how much negative stuff this brought on to those left behind here after you did it. I hope you’ve been able to work through all the things you needed to. I’m sure you have – just by the dream I was shown the other night, I have no doubt you’re doing just fine. Hey, when you know I’m ready to see you fully, please – just come on! I’d love to see you! Well kiddo, I’m going to log off now. Take care. Watch over Alyssa! Oh, did you see her crying spell the other day when she saw the Daddy and little girl (her age) leaving the movie theatre? It think that was the first time she realized that she didn’t have a daddy with her. I’m sure you felt sort of “oh crap!” or “dammit!” – and sad – all at the same time – but I know that by the sudden tears, she knows that she has a daddy somewhere. Big Tim and El will do their best to fill in as best they can, but I think that only YOU will ever be able to be her real dad. You know? Jeff Howard does a fine job with her, but she knows that Jeff is not her daddy. Stay close with her Jason, and we’ll do our best from here (all of us, even your Dad – who is doing as much as he can all the time for that baby!). Come see me again! I loved the visit! Made me happy all day!
Love,
MOM
Nst666@aol.com
26 March, 2004
Hello Jason,
Well I know I have not wrote to you in awhile but things have been crazy with the house being built and I have been working like crazy.. But I do think of you daily and miss you more and more each day. I am trying to get down to see your mother soon but things are tough right now, I think she is comming to see me next. She sent me a picture of Alyssa today, I just want to grab her puggy little cheekys.. Jason I don’t know how you left her behind, if you just told me from the begining i would have done something to help you. When i went out with her and your mother the last time i was there we were eatting at a steak n’ shake and the waitress said to me “your daughter is so cute, how old is she?” I answered Thank you she’s two. I believe Alyssa and I have a strange bond I do’t know if you had any doing in that but i thank you if you did.. She talks to me on the phone and when i get off i cry because i miss you so much and i hate that i will never get to hear your voice again or see your smile.. I had to actually sit down and write about your conversation in Florida so it stays fresh because it is something i dont want to ever forget. Jason you meant the world to me and still do I can’t wait til i can see you again. You are always in my thoughts and dreams. I love you always, your girl from Beantown!! Hugs& Kisses Danielle
IrishTomatoe@cs.com
27 February, 2004
Jay,
I miss your half grin; the way you leaned against my kitchen counter, eating a choclate chip cookie or brownie (I was always trying to fatten you and Nate up), and chatting with me. You were always positive and happy when you came by. Easy going, laid back. Nate was always jumpin’ up and down, anxious to leave. You’d tell him to chill and keep talkin’ to me. About work; Allyssa; stuff. Chad would hang out in the background, listening to you. And Claire would show off for you and I’d tease you when you’d laugh at her that your turn was next. I remember the days when you guys were all little and we hung out at our house or yours and played Aggravation. Remember how much you guys liked the movie Peter Pan with Mary Martin? I never remember you guys sitting that long of a time as when you watched that movie. Claires yelling, “Mom is it time for bed?” By the way, I’m sure you know , but your daughter and mine are great friends. First Di and I; then you and Nate; now Allyssa and Claire. Then probably their kids, right? I can’t look at her that I don’t see you. Remember what I always said, Love you the most. Susi
Timothy_Jovick@osca.state.mo.us
26 February, 2004
Jason,
This isn’t Tim Jovick writing. It’s Robin Mecher (you know me as Peeples). Anyway I don’t have internet and this is the only way I can write to you. I can’t believe it’s been two years. Wow. You know, Mec and I were with your mom the night you decided to leave this earth. I believe that is how it was supposed to be. God knew we were supposed to be together. We had decided an hour before meeting to go out, it wasn’t nothing planned. I just wanted you to know that I think about you all the time. I love your family very much. Rest in Peace Jason.
DianeA717@aol.com
26 February, 2004
Hey Jason, it’s Mom. Just wanted to say hello this morning before I go off to the grocery store. I think Grandpa will be coming soon, so I’m asking that you meet him. I’m sure his parents will be there, but he will need you there too. Besides, youth is his thing – – -he hates growing old and being sick. Anyway, Grandpa is so afraid of dying – because he worries that he’ll be going to hell. I tried to reassure him that he’s living his hell and that he’ll be going to heaven, but I don’t think he believes me. You know, Grandpa never really took to any organized religion – and he may be a lot more spiritual than I know – but since I don’t know one way or the other, I’m asking you to make sure you help him out once he leaves. He’s struggling now, and his body is just too worn out. Perhaps you can help him just let go without him having to struggle much longer. Talk him into it so he can be out of his misery – or just pay a visit to him sometime to let him know that it’s okay. I saw the movie the Passion last night, and well, it re-confirmed for me that you are just fine. I’m so please Mr. Gibson made this movie because, it helped my heart and mind. Okay Jason, I’ve got to run. You and all the gang there please watch over El, Tim and Dan, and right now – Grandpa Murel. Bless Barb too. Always bless the rest of us and keep us safe. Your daughter, Alyssa, is always surrounded by your love and protection, Jason, and I hope you’re okay with my watching her. I do love that child! Time to go. Thanks for the sign the other day (via Kristie and Sharon) – to me that was confirmation that you do, indeed, hear me. I love you Jason. Talk soon! Mom
“Sharon Renfrey” (srenfrey@bigpond.net.au)
22 February, 2004
I’m leaving these flowers for Jason but more importantly for his mother. I am so sorry for your loss; I can imagine just how you feel. Although I have not lost a son, I lost my brother Richard to suicide 15/12/2003 and every day it is a struggle to go forward so I can make it onto the next. But I guess we must do what we can, to help the people that have been left behind. Once again, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Perhaps when January comes around next year you will think of me, as I will be thinking of you. You see, Richard’s birthday is the day after your son Jason’s. Rest in peace as you are greatly missed. Sincerely Sharon Perth Western Australia
“Kristina Lake” (kmlake@holycross.edu)
20 February, 2004
Hi Jason,
My name is Kristie. You don’t know me, but I have a story for you and your family. I’m a senior at the College of the Holy Cross in Massachusetts. I was doing a reading for my ritual studies class last night, and the book mentioned this website in talking about modern funeral rites. This morning before my class, I sat in the classroom and looked at this website. I clicked on the suicide memorial section and read a few entries. I felt drawn to your entry, however, since you were born in 1982 and so was I. I read all the entries in your flowers section from the bottom to the top, and my heart went out to you and your family. It wasn’t until I got to the end that I realized that today is the two year anniversary of your death. I was shocked but touched. I told my professor about this experience, and she said that many people believe there is no such thing as coincidence. This is the reason I’m writing. I always feel a very special connection to people who have committed suicide because I attempted suicide myself in high school. It’s funny because if you asked me why I did it I couldn’t tell you. Looking back, I don’t know what was so wrong with my life that I didn’t want to live it anymore. This is the sad thing about depression…when you have it you can’t see it ever getting any better. I don’t presume to know or understand the circumstances surrounding your suicide, but I sympathize with you anyway. Reading the entries of your family members, I was just so moved by the incredible amount of love and devotion they have for you. I was reading your Mom’s comments and thinking that my mother would probably have had many of the same feelings and reactions as yours. Then I realize just how much I would have hurt everyone if I had actually taken my own life, but as you probably know, you just don’t think about that when you’re in the moment… I don’t know if my finding this web page was coincidence, fate, or random chance, but I would like to leave a message for your mother, Jason. Diane, I noticed in your last entry a mention of an argument you had with Jason the night before his death. I just need to tell you that it’s not your fault. As I said before, I don’t presume to understand the circumstances surrounding Jason’s death, but I just feel very strongly that I should tell you that you played no part in it. I just have a very strong feeling about that for some reason. Also you mentioned that you wanted Jason to visit you on the 20th, and if not you then someone else. Well I don’t know if you got your wish or not, but I do know that Jason has profoundly touched my life today.
Sincerely,
Kristie Lake
DianeA717@aol.com
20 February, 2004
Hi Jason. . . it’s your Mama. Thanks for being with us today and for bringing all of us together – – – even if the contact was via telephone lines. We had everyone there today, as I’m sure you witnessed. I sure wish you were able to enjoy the day being with the folks you love and cared for so much when you were here, and I’m believing you were able to be with each and every one of us. Brian and Erin told about the “Peek-a-boo baby doll” that Kaley has that keeps going off on its own (we know that THAT’s your doings), and even though I haven’t gotten a real clear sign since your 22nd birthday, I know you’re here and watching over all of us. Tonight, Dan, Tim, and Elliott (and Veronica) are supposed to all be together at Danny’s apartment. Please go there and stay with them tonight – and make sure no one leaves. Perhaps a big sign for Elliott and Timmers would be a good thing . . . what do you think? Also, Andy called today and told me about his tatoo – – God he loved you so much, Jason. How about giving Andyman a big sign as well. Thanks. Of course, you saw Alyssa and how beautiful she was today – sending you balloons up to heaven. Did you catch the act of Kayla and Alyssa on the pot at the same time? Unreal! I know that Brian and Alan miss you so much…I can tell. And so does Eric – and, of course, Samantha will never forget you – – – how could she???? after seeing you naked?!!!! 🙂 Watch over Alyssa, Elliott, Samantha, Timmers, Andy, and Eric. I think they each need to know that you are still with them. Brian and Erin know….Oh – don’t forget about Kelly, and my cousin Terry. I may have forgotten a few folks – but you know who they are. Amanda will always hold that special place in her heart for you. I know that Danielle was very touched by you – – you had a great affect on her heart and soul, even though your time together here was very brief – – there was a connection made that, perhaps, will have to wait until another time. You may want to give her another obvious sign as well. As you well know, I am ALWAYS ready for the next sign from you – – and since it’s been a little over a month, I’m ready for the next one. I miss you, Jason, and I will always love you. I know you’re okay now, and I’m happy that you’re at peace. Still, just to hold you one more time, to comfort you in the only way I know how (as a mom) would be so great – and I look forward to doing that when I see you again. I love you, and happy Angel Day to my Angel Jay! All my love, MOM
Nst666@aol.com
20 February, 2004
Jason,
I can’t believe it’s been two years already!! There hasn’t been one day that I have not thought about you. The gift your mother sent me for my birthday was amazing. I cried so hard and i had to call her back today an say sorry because i thought she was upset.. I love that you gave me something that you enjoyed so much the time and effort that she put into it means the most to me. I swear things were supposed to be this way, as much as i wish they weren’t. Your mother means the world to me and i would do anything for her and I am here if she needs anything.. I guess i took over your job in that department.. i just wish i was closer to her and Alyssa. Well Jay I am on my way to go have a huge family dinner for my 21st birthday and iw ill be back to write more later.. You mean the world to me and you have a special place in my heart..I miss you much and send my love to you. Come and visit me soon Love you always and forever Danielle
TRAMzag@aol.com
20 February, 2004
With thoughts of you and lots of Hugs to your Mom who loves you.
“Andy Davis” (drumplyer_33@hotmail.com)
20 February, 2004
Hey Jason, It’s your cousin Andy. I miss you so much. I just found out about this site. I would have wrote you earlier. I hope all is well. I just wanted to let you know that you will always be in my heart. You were a huge impact on my life and i always wanted to be like you. I wish you were here to be with us. It’s 2 years today siince you left us here on earth. I turned 18 this past monday. Which was also 2 years since the last time i saw you. I thought about it all day. Jason your the first thing i think of when i wake up in the mourning and the last thing i think of before i go to sleep. I hope i can see you again someday. There is so much we have to catch up on. I wanted to thank you for all the wonderfull memories you left me with. I can’t even start to explain how much it means to me. On my 18th birthday i went and got my tattoo. It’s something to show that your always being missed and thought of. I hope you like it cause it hurt like hell. I love it. I have to get over and show your family. I have been trying to get ahold of eliott but he is never home. Well I will write you again soon. Watch over us and let us know you’re there. I love you Jay.
“Teresa Davis” (Teresa.Davis@washington.k12.mo.us)
20 February, 2004
Hey Jason, I’ve been thinking about you quite a bit lately. It doesn’t seem like 2 years have gone since you left this world for your present one. I know you are aware of the goings on around us. Please stick close you your momma. I just wanted to say hi and tell you that I miss you. Love, Terry
DianeA717@aol.com
15 February, 2004
Hi Jason, it’s me again . . . Mom. Well kid, it’ll be 2 years coming up this Friday (Feb. 20th, 2004) since we all lost you here. Jason, to this day, I can’t believe that you really took your own life. I keep wondering if your death was caused by someone else, or by some experiement you were trying, or if you just “snapped”, or even if it was because I came down so hard on you the night before and that morning about being responsible. You know now that I treaded ever so lightly with you because I knew in my heart that you were such a gentle soul – – and put off getting tough with you because of some subconcious worry or fret – – knowing that there was a possibility that you might not handle that type of parental lecturing – especially from me. Of course, saying all these things sounds like I have all the answers, right? Like “Mom” is the answer to all problems – – and with your death came the huge realization that I don’t have that ability, I can’t solve yours – or Elliott’s – or anyone else’s problems. Each person has to make the choice to solve their own problems, make their own choices . . . and the only thing I can do is what every other human being can do . . . and that is to listen to someone, be there for him or her, give advice if needed, and try to be a good parent, friend, and person. The times I failed as being a good mother and provider for you, I am heartfully sorry. I so miss you, Jason. I am looking forward to your physical presence again, and hope you can make a quick visit on the 20th – – and if not to me, to someone. I love you, and I hope to write more tomorrow. All my love, “Angel Jay” – – Mom
Nst666@aol.com
14 February, 2004
Happy Valentine’s Day Jason!!! @–>—- I hate this month more than anything and it’s supposed to be the best one out of the year for me… Well i am finally going to be 21 and you’re not here to celebrate with me, dont worry i will drink enough for you too!!! Well according to when we meet i am 25 seeing that you thought i was “like 23 or something.” lol You were so funny that night in Florida.. Well i have to get going Jared is taking me to dinner.. I miss you and love you much. xoxo Hugs & Kisses xoxo Danielle
Gen1734@aol.com
09 February, 2004
Hi Jaycie,
This is what I called you from a tiny tot until the last time I talked to you. Today I watced Allysa so Diane could go to her Drs. Appmt. We played house, put puzzles together and played “ring around the rosy” and as I watched her, I wondered if you too was enjoying the moment. She sure loves her “Momma Diane” . I think of you so much Jason and especially when I’m at Mass. I attend church for the importance of remembering what our Lord did for us…to celebrate his short time with us and how much he changed this world. I don’t want to forget the miracle of His life and how he continues to walk with us. Although we can’t see Him with our eyes, I know he’s there. So to with you Jason…you are alive in my heart although I can’t see you, I know you live and now have peace. I treasure every memory of you and feel grateful for the time we had you on this earth. You are only a thought away from us and that’s not very far. I can see all the blessings, all the special acts of kindness you showed friends, that wonderful laughter, the beautiful smile and I have wonderful memories of your childhood. I remember all these things and treasure them in my heart. The world is a much better place because you lived and you touched many lives the short time you were with us. Some folks have to live a long time to have such a impact on humanity…you did it in a few short years as did our Lord. I’m not very good at writing but I hope you are more aware of my heart than my words. Jason, I miss you so much but I know someday I will celebrate seeing you again. So until that time, I’ll keep those prayers and candles going for you. ..you left us physically but you will be in our heart and mind to ponder….therefore keeping you alive in “remembering”! Love, Grandma Geneva
TRAMzag@aol.com
04 February, 2004
In loving memory for Jason Glore
Love to you and your family
ANRI46@aol.com
03 February, 2004
Just wanted to leave a message for Jason and family – Even though our family is so large and spread out and we don’t see one another that often – we all tend to have a certain bond that makes us feel that closeness. I will always remember Jason even though I didn’t seem him as much as some of the familly – he was one of the first great grandchildren I remember -as a child he had the sort of face that you just wanted to go up and squeeze cause it was so cute. I was able to see the picture of Jason with the ray of light coming from the sky – I believe God purposely allows these things to happen so that we feel a sense of peace in our heart knowing that everything is being taken care of – even though we can’t do it ourselves – he is there to do it for us. To Diane – we think about you often and admire your strength – When a close loved one goes to heaven before us, it just really gives us that extra excitement to get their ourselves without the fear we once had. God Bless you and your family.
Love,
Cousin – Jenny Becker
DianeA717@aol.com
31 January, 2004
Hi Jason. It’s me — Mom. Danielle changed the saying on the front of your page for me, and I hope you like it. Thanks for the visit on your birthday (via the deers) from you and Meaghan. I appreciated that contact from you so much, and I know Bert (Meaghan’s dad) did as well. It was a Kodak moment! 🙂 Well, we’re getting ready for the Superbowl tomorrow, and as you well know, the Rams didn’t make it (again) this year. Maybe next year. And the Blues – God love them – aren’t playing worth a darn. They can’t seem to get their acts together. I don’t know what’s going on in that locker room or in that business right now, but whatever it is, it’s not good. So, you can tell Dan Kelly and Doug Wickenheiser that it doesn’t look like the Stanley Cup will be here again this year either. You guys need to get busy and help the Blues out a bit! And get Barclay in there to help if you can! 🙂 Well Jason, come visit with us tomorrow – – wish you were here to taste the chili, tacos, etc., that we made. I love you, and I do miss you. I sure wish you wouldn’t have left here so soon, but I try to understand as much as possible. Please – please visit again soon. Love, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
13 January, 2004
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jason, Happy Birthday to you!!! Well it seems like yesturday I just wrote this same thing to you… I can’t believe you have been gone this long already. Well I hope all is well on your 22nd Birthday! I have been really busy lately sorry I have not wrote to you! You are thought of daily. So what you gonna wish for today when you blow out those candles? I wish you would come and visit your mother, and I know that you are waiting for that perfect moment to do it.. well I have to get going to work.. hugs and kisses to you my Angel Jay!!! Love you and miss you much!! Danielle
“Teresa Davis” (Teresa.Davis@washington.k12.mo.us)
12 January, 2004
Hey Jason! Happy Birthday. You are still missed. You always will be. You know that. Keep an eye on your momma. She is the one that feels your lost most deeply. Mr. Durgin and I have set a wedding date, May 29. I know you will be there. I just wanted to say hi and happy birthday. Love, Terry
DianeA717@aol.com
06 January, 2004
Hi Jason. It’s mom. It’s January 7, 2004 today. Yes Jay, it’s nearly 2 years since you left us. It’s still seems so wrong yet, at the same time, also seems so right (way down deep inside my heart). Not the way you died, but that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, at the time you were supposed to be there and surrounded by nothing but love, light and fantastic colors. Everyone seems to be doing a bit better emotionally, but everyone still misses you so much. The holidays were tougher this year for me than last year. Maybe because I’m only half as crazy and out of it as last year and really felt and knew your loss. I “knew” that you would not be walking in the door this year, whereas last year, I still sort of half-expected it. Elliott still struggles but has begun to talk more about you in short quips – -nothing that would make me believe he’s really getting it together, but at least it’s the beginning of some healing. Tim Jr. – I can’t tell about him – not sure how he’s doing. I know that both he and El really have an addiction (and you know what that is) – and there is nothing I can do about it. Hopefully, before their brains are totally gone, they will figure it all out – save their money and just deal with what they’ve been through and where they might want to go. Danny has moved in with his girlfriend, Colleen. You’d love her, Jay – she’s a hoot. I sure wish you would’ve stuck around just to be able to spend some time with those two – – I think you would definitely have been at their place a lot had you decided to stay. But, I’m sure you’ve checked out that action a lot and gotten a kick out of their relationship. They’re funny – and happy. It’s good to see. And, of course, your baby girl is just as beautiful as ever. I’m going to see about posting her picture here for you (although I already know you’re with her most of the time). I’ll have to post the picture later – our computer crashed and we lost all her previous pictures, but I’ll take some new ones at the computer and send one later. Okay? I’ve been feeling you around very little lately – but I’m sure it’s more me than you. I had a very hard time this holiday season, and I kept myself so busy that I’m sure you couldn’t reach me even if you wanted to. If you tried and I didn’t see it/understand it/get it, please know that I’m sorry. But please don’t give up on me! I’m going to try to be more aware, less busy and more alert in 2004. Oh – I plan on trying to publish the Lester book this year – after only 17 years or so, I thought that I’d dedicate the book to you and Elliott – since that’s where the story began. Please keep me/us on your “help out the physically living list” this year – so I can at least accomplish this goal I’ve proscrastinated and feared of for all these years. I’d like to try and quash the fear and really accomplish this one Jason, – for myself, for you, for Elliott – – for the family – and for my high school english teacher, Sr. Catherine Anne – who is the only person who really believed in my abilities way back then. God love her!!! Okay Jason – today is going to be a bit busy around here – so feel free to stop me in my tracks with a visit, a sign, or just show up – like Bert’s daughter did for him! Not that I’m challenging you or anything . . . (wink, wink – hint, hint) – – – I’ll be waiting to see, hear, smell, touch, feel or receive a message from you soon!
Love, Hugs & Kisses to you always,
MOM
P.S. You might want to help our St. Louis Blues get back on track with wins. Thanks if you can help!
Nst666@aol.com
26 November, 2003
Dear Jason,
I know it’s been a little while since I last wrote to you. I have just been so busy, I still think about you daily. I hate to say it but there are some days I try not to think about you because I get so upset that you’re not here. It has been a while since you last visited me…Where have you been??? I know you are in high demand for visits! lol Well I just read an e-mail from your mother, I am so glad her and I became so close. I miss her a lot! I hate that we are so far away, I enjoy her company and I know she enjoys mine. She really is like a mother to me and I look to her for advice a lot and I hope she doesnt mind.. Jason, thank you for the gifts you’ve given me.. I wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving…! much love to you!! smooches :O)~ Love always
Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
17 November, 2003
Hi Jason! It’s mom! I’m still waiting for your visit – or for you to bring me to you for a visit…just so you know I’m ready to see you! Anyway, El is back home and going to school at Affton HS to get his GED! Yeah! I know you’re watching what’s going on with Alyssa, and I’m doing my best to be there for her. She’s not mine so I can only do so much. If you were here, we could’ve done more to help – but I know that the pain you were going through just was too much – so I’m cool with everything. I’ll see you soon anyway. So, my friend Teresa is there now. Make sure you say hello, okay? Maybe between the two of you, or even a few other folks with you, – maybe you all can visit me one day! Just don’t scare the bejeebers out of me, okay? Well, I’m going to get moving. I suppose I just wanted to touch base with you, say hello, let you know I think about you everyday. I miss your smile, your giggle, your infectious laugh, furry legs, and I hope that you’re as tall as you’ve always wanted to be! I know that whatever you couldn’t have here, you have it all now – including love, peace and whatever! 🙂 I love you Jason….we all love you. Tell Teresa hello from us, and ask her how she liked her service. I thought it was a bit dorky, but it wasn’t all THAT bad. It was all meant to be good – just gave me a headache! I do believe in God, in Jesus, and of an eternity of love and light – it’s just that the yelling out got to me today, you know? All those “Amens!” and “Praise the Lord!” stuff – wore thin on me today. Maybe Teresa enjoyed that though – she is a very vivacious personality! Hope you get to chit-chat with her. Well Jay-boy, I’m gonna let you be for awhile. I think I’ll go up and have some coffee or something. I’ll be waiting, as always, to see you and/or hear from you. Love always, Jaysee, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
29 October, 2003
Hey Jason,
I know I have not wrote to you in a few weeks, I’m sorry I have been so busy as you know. Keeping up with work and school is killing me right now.. I am just so tired, then trying to have a social life, Yeah right! Well last night I went to the 50 cent concert and lucky me I caught his hat. Even though I had to almost fight a girl to get it. LoL Well I hope all is well with you. I am waiting for a visit.. Miss you Love you always
Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
05 October, 2003
Hi Jay, it’s Mom (as you already know). Just dropping you a letter to say I love you. Uncle Dan lost a friend – his favorite boss in the Police Dept. (he was only 54) and Uncle Dan is pretty sad about it. He was in the funeral procession (of course) with oodles of policemen, and I think he had a tough time going to the cemetery because this man is buried about 12 plots from you (nearer to the chapel). He’s not too far from the St. Louis Fire Chief – who was also fairly young. I guess you know that Art Toney is with you. Went to the funeral home today with Grandma Geneva. I suppose there is a bit of a family reunion going on with the Toney and Glore families. Have a great time! Tell everyone hello from us! I guess you saw who I got to see again, and it was nice to see all of them. I’ve been thinking about you and of you a lot lately, and have been getting very sad. Crying a lot, missing you – – sometimes waking from dreams thinking you’ll be showing up – saying, “Mom, the front yard looks great!” or “Can I have that room?” or “The house looks great!” I know this is stupid stuff to concentrate on (what the house looks like), but it is something I can concentrate on and feel as though I’m making a positivei difference. I guess you could say that I feel like I’m able to be creative – make something look better – and that’s important to me right now. I hope you’re enjoying your new life – – actually, I have no doubt you are. I miss you still, and always will. Your laugh – and that smile – those hairy legs – well – the entire package of what you Jason – I’ll always miss that. Loving you forever. Mom
RhoJeanneM@aol.com
04 October, 2003
There Is A Special Angel
There is a special Angel in Heaven
that is a part of me.
It is not where I wanted him
but where God wanted him to be.
He was here but just a moment
like a night time shooting star.
And though he is in Heaven
he isn’t very far.
He touched the heart of many
like only an Angel can do.
I would’ve held him every minute
if the end I only knew.
So I send this special message
to the Heaven up above.
Please take care of my Angel
and send him all my love.
Author Unknown
Nst666@aol.com
30 September, 2003
Dear Jason,
Well as you know things have not been easy for me in the past few weeks, and I wish you were here to chat. I know you are not physically here but I know you are always listening. Some days I don’t even know why I bother to get out of bed, but your the one that pushes me each day. I thank you for that, although things are tough right now I know they will get better. It’s all about the decision I make in my life and hopefully from this point on they are wise very wise. Well once again I am writing to you and spilling my guts like always why change now right!!? But remember your the one who always wanted to know more about me you were so intrested in me and my life. Thats what made you such a great person, you always cared and thought about everyone else before yourself. I wish you would have thought about letting us help you instead.. You are my ANGEL and may you always watch over me in your family. You are in our hearts forever and loved more now than ever before.. I miss you Jason!! @–>— Love you always,
Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
11 September, 2003
Well Jason, you can see that it all seems to be happening again. I have no clue why, and right now, I don’t give a damn what the reason is. If I’m supposed to be Alyssa’s grandma then I suppose life will provide me with that. I’m not going to call, chase, beg or ask why anymore. I’ll tell you what, if YOU want me in your daughter’s life, then I’m going to leave it up to you and the big guy (God) to make sure it happens. I’m tired of it. I lost you and that is still so hard to deal with. I cannot attach myself to your baby one minute and be torn away from her the next; it’s too difficult – – my heart cannot take more pain. So dude, you just make it all happen if you want and, if not, I guess I’ll turn Timmers’ room back the way it was (or better). Let me know…and, oh, I love you very much – always have, and always will. Love, Mom
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
07 September, 2003
Hey Jason!!
I just wanted to thank you once again for the visit.. It was amazing to see you smile at me like that and the way you held Alyssa. You know your mother is waiting for you to visit her, which I don’t know if your waiting til you think she can handle it but Jason I think she is ready and waiting very patiently. Well I just finished talking to her online and we made a date for tomorrow night on the webcam so I can see Wissa!! She is so damn cute, and she looks just like you. Jason may you always fill my dreams with smiles and love!!! Love you forever @–>– Danielle
Daa3285c@aol.com
28 August, 2003
Hey Jason, I am friends with your brother Tim, and I know Dan and Elliot as well. It seems like it was just yesterday that everyone was at your funeral (you apparently had alot of friends) I can’t believe that it’s already been over 18 months. I just wanted to send my prayers out to you and all your family that is down here. Everyone really misses. Oh yeah and that piece of artwork they had out on display at your wake was incredible. Watch over your family, but I’m sure you already are, and God bless.
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
20 August, 2003
Hey Jason,
So it’s been a year and a half since you’ve been gone, I can’t believe how fast it has gone by. It seems like it was just yesturday we were sitting together by the pool..I had the best time of my life in those fours days.. My life has changed dramatically since you’ve been gone.. You opened my eyes to a whole new world where I pay attention to the things most important in my life, and I thank you for that.. Life just doesn’t seem right without you here. What I would do to share just one more minute with you.. I know that day will come some time in my life but until then i want you to know I think of you everyday and i miss you so much.. You were my BEST FRIEND and I thank you for all you gave me..Love you always and forever Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
17 August, 2003
Hi. It’s Mom. It’s been a while since I’ve written, but you know that I think of you often throughout each day. I really miss you, and in just a few days, you’ll be gone from here for a year and a half — it doesn’t feel right — and it just seems that it was a few months ago when you died. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about how you left here, and I am so sorry for not helping you more – more in the way you needed me. I do love you, and just wanted to say hello – and that you will always be my “Angel Jay” — come visit me soon. I love you Jason. Mom
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
16 July, 2003
Jason,
I just wanted to thank you for all the signs you gave us to let us know you were around!! The car alarm one did it for me, I must say you did freak me out alittle bit.. Well even though I only got to spend a few hours with Alyssa I can see she is a very special and extremely smart little girl. You are a lucky man to have had such a beautiful daughter, I wish you were here to hold her.. This trip to visit was very good for me, and I can also see that your mother is doing much better as well. The heart will continue to heal but never fully. Well I am back to reality wish you were here with me.. I miss and look forward to my next visit.. @—>—
love always & forever
Danielle
11 July, 2003
Hey Jason!! I have great news, I am cancer FREE!! I went for my check up and the doctor says everything looks great and that she got it all. I am so excited…Well it is 6:30am and I am getting ready to leave for the airport..I am on my way to see you!! Talk to you soon.. Miss you, Love you Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
08 July, 2003
Jason,
It’s mom. Just writing to say hello – and to thank you for listening to my requests. I really needed to see Elliott and visit with him and realized that I needed to be the one to go find him and let him know that I care, and that I love him. Sometimes, I think that’s what you and Elliott both needed, and I tried to do this so that you both always knew that you were loved. Well, I certainly enjoyed the visit. Did you hear Alyssa call Elliott “Uncle Daddy”? and to make it even funnier (although I’m not sure if you were laughing or not) – she called you “Pa-Pa Jason”!!! Oh brother, I could almost hear your voice coming through on that one! I’m still waiting to “see” you Jason, so please come visit me anytime. I love you very much. And thank you for keeping an eye out on Elliott, and I would very much pray for some divine intervention for him to help him in life (better decisions, etc – you know what I’m talking about). Also, a special request for Uncle Bean – to please have all the souls in heaven, especially God and company, to help Uncle Bean on Thursday and in the meetings following and that the outcome of his trying times be in his favor and for the good of the majority of mankind. Thank you for the visits you have made, and I welcome each and every visit or “hello” you can muster. I do miss you Jason, very much. And, I know that you saw Tim’s party, and that there was, in fact, beer served. I suppose that isn’t important to you anymore, but I remember the trauma this issue caused between me and you, and between me and Tim Sr. Well, Jason, I was wrong – I should’ve given you that party, and I also should’ve let you have beer in Florida on our last vacation. I was a weak moron. I felt my gut to be right, and didn’t do what I wanted to do because of not wanting to cause a problem in the marriage. I’m so very sorry, and although I can’t make it up to you here, I would love the opportunity to do this for Elliott. So, if you can help me get him back in school to get his GED, I’d REALLY appreciate your help – and perhaps send him someone who can be a good, honest male role model for Elliott as well as someone Elliott can open up to. He needs a positive influence – one he admires – but a person who brings the best out in him. I pray that you, and everyone there, can help in this search – and I think we’re needing someone for him real soon. I’m going to bed now, Jason – which means I’ll be dreaming soon. How about coming to visit me in a dream? Deal? I love you. . . . Mom
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
04 July, 2003
Happy 4th of july!! Nothing has been the same since you’ve been gone…For the past week my heart aches for you! I dont know what it is, maybe because I will be comming down to visit soon I dont know. Everything I see or hear reminds me of you.. I thought the days where getting easier and once again they have started to get off track, the reality hits me like a ton of bricks.. What I would do to have a conversation with you, well one where you actually talked back to me! lol.. I have been replaying our long talks and your voice in my head for so long I am so affraid that I am going to lose your voice.. It is starting to get hard now, but I will hold on to it the best I can. Well Jason I am going to end this here before I start to get worked up.. You are forever in my heart and forever loved by many.. Hope your enjoying all those firework!! Love you always, Danielle
25 June, 2003
Well it’s 6:32am Wednesday June 25, 2003, I am leave here in ten minutes for my surgery. I just wanted to talk a little before I left. I know you are with me today you proved that in more ways than one and I want to thank you for being here because i know if you were still here (physically) you would be standing next to me through this whole thing. Jason I miss you more than words can describe. I will be looking forward to the day I am with you again! Wish me luck…Love you forever and always Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
23 June, 2003
Hi Jason, it’s mom. Thought I’d let you know how things are going. Alyssa is getting so big, but I’m sure you are with her most of the time. She’s cute, isn’t she? You know, there are times when she looks exactly like you when you were that age. I hope you visit her sometimes, whether when she’s dreaming or not. She seems to know who you are in pictures. Last night, Amanda told me that she knows your full name, so I asked her. . . “What’s your daddy’s name?” and she answered, “Jason Gossage!” Is that a hoot or what?! But, once we told her “Glore” she stated your name correctly. Funny. Elliott is doing fairly well from what I observe, but I don’t see him very often anymore. Besides Veronica, I believe your dad and Eric see him the most. I’m really hoping he gets into a GED class soon. Perhaps you can help me out from your area with that. Timmers graduated from SLUH and will be going to Mizzou. Dan hasn’t quite finished college yet but is supposed to finish in the fall. Things aren’t doing very well for some of your old buds at the time, as you may be observing. Samantha, however, seems to be wanting to “move on” a bit – as she’s wanting to make something of herself and I’m glad that she’s interested in trying new things. Perhaps her motivation will help the rest of the group want to try new things. Amanda had her graduation party yesterday, and it was nice. We didn’t stay very long because we had another one to attend for Beth Horan in No. County (remember the Horan family)? That was a nice event as well. I’m asking you for help with El, because since he’s not around for me to be a parent to him, I’m not sure that he’s making the best decisions. I know he has a gift of wisdom, but he seems to have his mind easily swayed by others. I was hoping that perhaps you, Chub and Helen, Grandma Bush, Jerry Brooks, Mikey Vollmer, Uncle Homer, Uncle Ted, Mrs. Pidcock, Mrs. Staples, Grandma Davis, Uncle Paul, Uncle Dorsey, Kathy Scalise, Anne Schiller, Paul Pavlovic, Margaret Toney, Madeline Toney, and anyone else who might be willing to help (Jesus, Mary, Joseph, God the Father, the Holy Spirit, all the saints and angels) could assist in helping Elliott turn in a better direction, get his education and learn a trade so that he will be able to have a nice life for himself and future family. Also, it would be great – fantastic actually – if things could change for him in the relationship department if you catch my drift. Lastly, Danielle is having surgery this week, and I know you’ve been to visit her in a dream – and I’m sure she appreciates that. Please continue to stay with her during this time and let her know, in anyway that you may be able to, that you are there with her. I love you, Jason, and miss you and your beautiful face and smile. Please come and see me as soon as you can. Love forever, Mom
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
16 June, 2003
Hey Jay! I just wanted to wish you a Happy Father’s Day! Then I thought I would fill you in on a few things…Not like you don’t already know what’s going on. Well tomorrow is my Pre-Op..I am so scared and I will be counting on you to help me through this and make sure everything works out.. On Wed June 25th I go in for my surgery. You will be close at heart that day and I will be a mess so if you could please guide me through this, It would mean the world to me. Well I will check back with you right before my surgery, and I am sure your mother will be by to visit with you for me on that day.. I miss you always now more than ever! @–>— Love Danielle
Nst666@aol.com
05 June, 2003
Do not stand by my grave and weep…..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am a diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the
morning hush, I am the
swift upflinging rush of quiet birds’ circling flight.
I am the soft star shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry…
I am not there
I did not die.
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
28 May, 2003
Hey Jason!!!
Well today is Wednesday and in a few hours i will be on a plane to visit your mother in New York.. I can’t wait! We are going to hang out of a few days and do some shopping, It should be a great time..I know you will be there to share it with us, i hope! Well my flight leaves in just a few hours so i have to get packing…So if you plan on visiting us in the next few days feel free we will both be open to anything… Miss you, Love you always and forever~ @—>— Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
13 May, 2003
Hi Jay. . . it’s Mom. Well, it’s May 13th, and Elliott is now 18 years old. I know he was really missing you today; he told me that he just didn’t feel like doing anything on his birthday. Fortuately, Veronica talked with him and got him going, and it turned out to be an okay day for him without you here to share it. I know that he would’ve enjoyed the day so much more if you were here with him (in the way he was always used to you being around, if you catch my drift). You know what I mean. While he’s still here on this earth (as are the rest of us), we will continue to miss you, since we can’t see or touch you anymore (we are not that enlightened). El received some cash, which you know makes life here so much easier to deal with, a dart board and some darts, and some new rollerblades. He finally wore out one of the pair which you both had for all those years. I’m sure yours are still around here somewhere, unless that’s the pair that tore. So, he’s got new blades and is back to playing hockey. He’s a bit better, Jason, and I can tell by looking at him and by his demeanor that he has healed a bit from your tragic death. As you know (and knew after you died), what El and Timmers went through in finding you was very tough on them. I know you never meant to hurt them – I know you just wanted the pain to end. I understand. I know you’re happy now and at peace. I love you. I also know I couldn’t give you that peace here. My ego (especially as a mother) doesn’t like to admit that, but I know it to be the truth. Well, I hope you can let El know somehow that you are thinking about him today. I think he’d appreciate the gesture. I love you, and I am always ready and willing to hear from you, and please feel free to show up so I can see you anytime. Tell everyone where you are hello from me and the family. (They can always say hello as well if they want too!) I love you always, Mom
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
11 May, 2003
This one’s for the gentle boy
who wrestles with his pain,
His easy-bruising tender heart,
And ever-active brain.
He feels much more than others do,
But then he tries to hide
With laughter or bravado,
The gentle boy inside.
With wit and style and artifice
His secrets kept so well.
Who dreams the brave facade you see
Conceals some private Hell?
Meanwhile the brutes live on and on,
Their unexamined lives.
The low, the stupid, and the cruel,
The sluggish dolt thrives
To fill the world with empty talk
And greed and hate and noise,
To breed, carouse, and make life Hell
For all the gentle boys.
Some gentle boys grow heartsick
And tired of this charade.
They blow themselves right off the Earth
Or fight, then fail, then fade.
If you should love a gentle boy
There’s little you can do,
If he decides his time has come,
He’ll leave the earth and you.
He cannot see that if he goes,
You’ll never fill that space.
You’ll spend your whole life searching
For that laugh, that kiss, that face.
How can the gentle boy not know?
You loved him beyond death,
You’d help him anyway you could,
Unto your dying breath?
Someday when justice reigns on Earth,
We all may greet with joy
A world where it won’t hurt so much
To be a gentle boy
DianeA717@aol.com
26 April, 2003
Hi Jason. It’s Mom. I went up to your grave site this morning. The candles that Jimmy brought were filled with water because of the rain over the last 2 days. Tim and I emptied the jars and visited with you for a few minutes. You know, it still doesn’t seem right that your not here; I guess I continue to think of you as on vacation somewhere and unable to talk. Also, I haven’t “felt” you for a few weeks – at least not the way I used to feel you around – or sense when you were around. You know what I mean. I went to Annie Schiller’s funeral and, as I’m sure you noticed, broke out in an uncontrollable cry – one that I was beginning to wonder whether I’d be able to stop. I’m sure you’ve met Annie by now (she was 10) and the reason for my going to her funeral (her Aunt Judy); but no matter how a person loses their child or how beautiful the service is, the ache and longing for that child to be here remains. I guess the pain of losing you hit me all over again – and maybe the reason for the uncontrollable tears is because I seem to keep them in so much. . . I suppose in my own attempt to try and move on with life – – but no matter what, it’s not right that you’re not here, but better for your soul that you are back with God. I know that, and I know that I could never give you that kind of peace no matter how hard I would’ve or could’ve tried. Well baby, I hope to hear, feel, sense or get a communication from you soon. I love you, Jason. Thanks for watching over all of us. Tell everyone there we said hello! Love, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
20 April, 2003
Happy Easter Jason!!! I just got off the phone with your mother and things seem to be going well down there.. For some reason you were in my head all day today i could not stop thinking about you.. I miss you so much.. So as you know things have been going pretty good, i am planning on comming down soon to visit. So i will be seeing you in July. So plan on meeting up with me while i am there! Hugs & Kisses sweetie!!
@—>—- @—>—- @—>— @—>—
Love always
Danielle
Topshelf7777@aol.com
03 April, 2003
What’s up Jason? I’ve been trying to think to think of the perfect thing to write. But as we all know perfect tends to be just a little out of reach. Just thought you may want to know how you have made a difference. Your sacrifice has opened a lot of eyes and made several boys your age do a reality check on their lives. As always, your effort has made a positive difference. Thanks to you!
DianeA717@aol.com
16 March, 2003
I love you, Jason, and I miss you… some days, I can’t stand your not being here with me/us, and others I seem to get by a little easier. Lately, the past few days, have been extremely difficult. Grandpa isn’t doing well – and I think he’ll be coming to be with you soon. I’m sad about that – because not only will he be gone, but he will get to be with you! Elliott hasn’t been coming around lately, and that sure hurts my heart too. I’m hoping you might be able to pull some rank and get him over to spend some time with me and even go see Grandpa with me before he misses the chance to see Grandpa. Well, I love you, and I wish were you here – or should I say I wish you were visible so I could see you – and maybe even touch you. Please come by and give me a sign quick. I’m needing my Jasey-boy soon! Love always, Mom
Nst666@aol.com
07 March, 2003
Hello Jason,
Well today I woke up with you on my mind… And of course I had to make it worse and sit and read your letters!! Yeah I cried as you probably saw.. This time when I read them for like the 50th time I could hear your voice like you were reading them to me.. I actually felt every word you wrote, and I wish you were still here to write me more. Oh and I dont know if I ever told you but I dont think your a fag for writing all that “corny stuff” on the “touchy topics”!!! lol :O) Well Jason words cant explain how much you are missed not only by me but everyone else who knew you!! I hope your life is filled with everything you ever wanted.. I miss you JAY!! love always ~Danielle @–>—–
DianeA717@aol.com
01 March, 2003
Hi Jason…it’s Mom. Just thought I’d write you a little note telling you how much I love you, and that I miss you. My life is forever changed, as are the lives of the loads of people who loved you (and still love you), but you will always be my baby, my Jaycee-boy, my “Angel Jay.” My love always, Mom
“Sidney Huhman” (shuhman@socket.net)
27 February, 2003
Your life touched so many people in so many ways. Watch over your family and help them to remember you as the special person you are. Sidney and Joy Huhman (friends of your mom)
“Nancy Waldren” (nwald@copper.net)
27 February, 2003
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Your REALLY Great Uncle & Aunt…Don and Nancy
“Pembroke Park” (pembrokepark@i1.net)
23 February, 2003
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why.
I’m so sorry Jason for the pain you were living here on earth. It’s a tough place no matter who you are. But I know you aren’t living in it anymore. And I’m sure you wish all of us were with you now. We will see you again someday, and I for one can’t wait to see that place and all our loved ones already there. Love, Jenny Davis.
Nst666@aol.com
18 February, 2003
Hey Jay!!
Well as you know it’s my Birthday the big 20!! I wanted to thank you for the door slamming shut and the television turning on.. I am so sorry for being mad at you last year for not calling me, but you did promise me you would call!! I wish you woud have called and talked to me about what was going on.. you used to tell me everything i dont understand why you didnt tell me you were in that much pain? Jason i thought the world of you and the thing that sucks the most is that i still do.. i wish i could be sharing this birthday with you.. what i would do to see you smile at me again.. i know some day i will see you again and we will be together and live happily ever after. well i am going to end it here.. i will be back to write on the 20th.. Jason my angel I love you and miss you more than anything.. I will be waiting for you in my dreams!!! Love you always, ~Danielle~
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
20 February, 2003
So it’s been a year since you have left. What a long and hard year it has been. Not a day has pasted with out thinking of you. I will always remember the long talks and the sunsets and sunrises we shared together:O) The thing i hate the most is the what if’s and the why’s. You were a beautiful person and a wonderful friend. I know after today the days will get lighter and easier to face (I hope). I miss you more than anything in this world. Love you always,
~Danielle
“Terry Davis” (gasoff@hotmail.com)
21 February, 2003
Jason,
I just want you to know that I have spent the last year getting to know your friends and your daughter. I have also spent the last year renewing a sisterhood with your mom. I wish you were not the one to teach me a lesson on the wisdom of our time here and how we spend it, the excuses we use, the energy we waste, and that the love we carry should be shared not spared. Ah, J, keep looking after your ma and your little brother. If you have any extra time, I’d appreciate if you did a little looking after Mark. What do you think about that? The man you sent me: we be doing fine. I love you Jason.
20 February, 2003
Jason,
I am thinking of your mom a lot today. I hope you will help give her feel your strength and love. I want you know that I have spent the past year meeting your friends and getting to know your daughter. I just wish that you were here in body to share this with me. Know I love you J. Terry D.
Nst666@aol.com
14 February, 2003
Jason,
I wanted to wish you a Happy Valentines Day!! @–>—- here is a single red rose for you!! Thinking of you today and everyday!! Love always, Danielle
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
07 February, 2003
Hey Jason!! Well today is the 7th and i thought i would share with you my excitement of buying my first car all by myself.. I know how much you like cars and how you were excited for me when i got the eclipes, so this time i bought a 2003 Galant!! it’s loaded i love it!! it’s an early birthday present to myself, i deserve it!! Well i am glad i made this website for you, your mother seems to be enjoying it herself. :O) Each day is getting harder as the 20th is upon us. you are greatly missed and thought of daily.. Love you, Danielle
DianeA717@aol.com
05 February, 2003
Hey Jason, it’s February 5th, 2003… fifteen days away from your being away from me/us for a year. I know a year probably isn’t much to you – especially where you are – but for us, it feels as though it’s been forever. I miss you, and there are days when I can’t remember the sound of your voice and it makes me so sad – – because you were my baby, my son, my Jason. How could I forget your unique voice, beautiful smile, hairy legs, long shorts with high top shoes, oversized shirts, visor on backward – – I can see you so clearly at times, and then there are times when I can’t even focus – my mind can’t do it – and I get so aggravated. I love you – your beautiful soul – and please come visit me again soon. I love you so much. Mom
31 January, 2003
Hey Jason! What are you trying to scare the bajeebers out of me or what? Actually, thank you SO MUCH for coming to visit today (Jan. 30, 2002). I had just been talking about not hearing from you or feeling your presence for a long time – and also that I was envious of other people having dreams of you and actually seeing you in their dreams when I have yet to “see” your face and self like I know you here. Still, thank you for the quilt of colors (you) and thank you for the very obvious visit tonight with the lights, the phone calls, and the blackout screen on the television with “i” on it. I knew it was you – and, yes Jason, you’re very funny. . . .almost as funny as the time you set off my car alarm (which is broken) early one morning. I’m sure Danny (stepbrother) who had a few too many beers the night before at the Knights of Columbus Hall, thought you “hello” to me/us that morning was hysterical too! Anyway, no matter how you show up and when, I am always happy to connect with you. I still miss you, but know you are very happy where you are. I could not have given you what you have now, and knowing you are in the best place there is provides comfort to the heartache of your physical death here. I will see you someday, and I’m sure that I will see or hear from you in one way or another many, many times until then. I love you, Jason – – and, oh yeah, you and your buds up there need to help El for me, okay? Love you much… Mom
Karl Krekeler (bgnbass2k@yahoo.com)
24 January, 2003
Hey, Jay. it’s Karl. sorry i didn’t know you as well in the end as i did in grade school. i guess you never know how much you miss something until it’s TRULY and FULLY gone. well, anyways, i wrote this song about/for you a day or two after your passing. hopefully i’ll write music for it someday. i love you man KARL
Through the years we’ve had some fun
But now that fun is through
The times have never been so hard
I don’t know what to do.
I fight the pain, I fight the thoughts
I fight the memories
But now it all comes flooding back
And pouring out of me.
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
Nobody will know why.
Why’d it have to end so soon?
He’s way too young to die.
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
Why isn’t he with us still?
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
And no one ever will.
We were best friends for a long time
Those years I’d never trade.
But what I wouldn’t give
Just to see him one more day.
The pain, the guilt, the anger
All knock me off my feet.
Why couldn’t he talk to anyone,
And not accept defeat?
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
Nobody will know why.
Why’d it have to end so soon?
He’s way too young to die.
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
Why isn’t he with us still?
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
And no one ever will.
How could he have ever thought
That there was no way out?
What was running through his head?
Guilt? Pain? Self-doubt?
All his friends were there that day,
The day we said goodbye.
All of us in one loud voice
Simply asking “why?”
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
Nobody will know why.
Why’d it have to end so soon?
He’s way too young to die.
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
Why isn’t he with us still?
Nobody knows quite what went wrong
And no one ever will.
All of us that know him
Will never be the same.
We all love you Jason.
We’ll never forget your name
“Lenora Holmes” (lenoraholmes@attbi.com)
24 January, 2003
Hey Jason!!
I just wanted to write to you and thank you for being there with me the other day!! It meant the world to me.. I have been talking to your mother a lot lately and what an amazing woman she is. She always has the right words at the right time!! Well i can’t wait til we meet again i will be looking forward to that day for the rest or my life! Miss you and love you dearly!!!
“Irene Winter” (iwinter105@hotmail.com)
14 January, 2003
Jason I didn’t know you, but my niece Danielle thought the world about you..you have touched a place in her heart that no one else will….she talks about you often, and we are trying to help her thru this…time will help the pain..but the memories will live on for ever…May you be a peace and may God watch over all your loved ones…HAPPY 21st Birthday..Danielle’s Aunt Irene
Nst666@aol.com
13 January, 2003
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jason Happy Birthday to you!!! I made this website for you and for your family and friends so that they can write you messages whenever they want.. I hope you enjoy all this attention!! Jason this buds for you!! miss you, love you, Danielle :O)
theresia metz (tametz222@yahoo.com)
13 January, 2003
Jason… you are so loved by so many… you live in all our hearts… Theresia … your Mom’s friend
“Salmo, Anne (ELS)” (A.Salmo@Elsevier.com)
13 January, 2003
21 bright birthday candles for you, Jason!
Peace and love always,
Terry and Anne
Jason, I was only beginning to know you. I really, really wish I could have gotten to know you better. From your mom, brother, family, and friends, I have seen that you were one terrific and talented guy. Anne
“Wirth, Maureen” (Maureen.Wirth@CommerceBank.com)
13 January, 2003
Happy Birthday, Jason! You may not remember me, I used to work with your mom at the Juvenile Court, but I remember you, “Mr. Hockey”, as do my sons, David and Adam, who you and Elliott used to play with about 8 – 10 years ago. We are definitely sending you a Budweiser for your birthday along with a lot of love.
Your mom is one of my closest friends and I love her dearly. Everyone here is trying to take good care of her. I just want to let you know that you are missed and loved so much. Again, “Happy Birthday, Jason!!!!”
DianeA717@aol.com
13 January, 2003
Happy 21st Birthday, Jason! Love, Elliott
“Teresa Davis” (Teresa.Davis@washington.k12.mo.us)
13 January, 2003
Happy Birthday J
You are missed but still loved. You know that. I am sending you butter shots. Yum! It will go with anything and you will like it. Just in case you get this message twice, (which knowing me, you will) forgive me for still making silly mistakes. Your garden is beautiful. It was the most cheerful and festive during the holidays. Your tree was beautiful. We miss you J. Love, Terry Davis
Music is a good thing
TRAMzag@aol.com
12 January, 2003
Happy Birthday Jason
Thinking of you and your Family on your Birthday
DianeA717@aol.com
12 January, 2003
“J”, it’s mom. Happy 21st Birthday! Although I know that you no longer need anything from this tiny part of the world, I still wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and a great day (our time). I was going to take you out and treat to a few Budweisers and whatever else you wanted – dinner, perhaps some other fun things, and I am sad (for me and those left here with me) that I won’t be able to do that with you. I was so looking forward to spending that time with you. Jan. 13th will not be much fun any longer because I don’t have you here to celebrate with me, but thank you for the 20 years. I will always cherish the time and the 20th birthdays we did get to celebrate. I love you, Jason, and you will always be my “Angel Jay,” Love, Mom
“TAG” (showme1@bellatlantic.net)
12 January, 2003
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON!!!!
Love you!
T
Jay:
I didn’t know you as well as I would’ve liked… but in your passing you left me something larger than life: a chance to know and love your mom and brother… and this great gift will live on. Love you and miss you.
~A Relative~
Anonymous
12 January, 2003
You will never be forgotten. I miss you and love you so much!! You were my best friend :O)
~A Very Close Friend~