19 February, 2001
Momma, How time has flown, my love is as strong as ever and missing you every second of every minute of my life. Nothing is the same anymore and I know it never will be, I don’t know if you know I am doing this, perhaps its all I have, my link to you, my being able to talk to you which if I had only known, but all say that, I would be they’re every day, telling you as many times a day how much I loved you and hugging you and kissing you and being the daughter I never was, well Ma its all come back full circle, I am so unhappy, empty inside, searching maybe I have even giiven up on that for a better life, my children have grown apart from me, baby Jade I haven’t seen in such a long time, nothing ever stays the same does it Ma? Oh yes it does, my grief and pain and emptyness of you, my losing my closeness with Lovey and Andy and feeling I no longer belong anyplace, so , many things lately, strange things have happened to me which makes me feel that my tme is nearing too since the heart and soul keep the body going, forgive me for listening to anyone, I should have never let you go, that night is like something undescrible, no words can express the loss, even knowing but Ma i really didn’t, you know me run away, I did in a sense taking pills the pain was so great, but I wish to god a miracle would have happened always know that, and always Ma know that I love you so much and I know now what you felt, pain, hurt, lonely and finally wondering why, why I am here when deep inside I feel I have made no contrubution to anything, just caused pain and messed up and I was starting to think I could start over but I know I can’t, same crap every day Ma, something to tear your heart out, you know and then your right back to wishing you could fall asleep and never wake up, I love my children so much so much it hurts, like you did, but yes I know they love me, but I also know that they don’t need me like they used to and things have changed, too hard to face I guess I love you Momma, maybe we will meet again, god I pray, I wish I had the strength to go on, but momma I think soon I love you forever your daughter Sally
26 May, 2000
Ma. Today is May 28th Paul, Andy and myself are here. We love you and miss you with all of our hearts, this month was your mothersday, your birthday and the date of your passing into heaven and becoming our very special angel from above. We will miss you for all eternity and love you with all of our hears and souls. My wish Ma, is that you have found happiness and are living in the kindom of god which I know you are, because only the most wonderful blessed mothers as you are and always will be would have been blessed with that, I am sure you are at peace and beautiful as always and you are missed and loved every second of every day of our lives. We love you and will always love and miss you Love Sally andy and Paul thinking of you ma as always and forever
13 February, 2000
To my beautiful, wonderful, angelic, cherished grandmother whom i miss so very much and who is loved so much. I sure do miss you grandma i miss your beautiful smile and your loving heart.I wish so much that our baby jade could have known you. I hope that you are not in pain and that your in a beautiful place. Missing you and Loving you for all eternity, sleep well my cherished angel. All of our love, candice tony and jade wu xoxoxoxo.
11 April, 2000
Momma, It’s April 11th and I just looked out and it snowed all night. I miss you more and more everyday, I feel so all alone Momma, so alone. Andy is twelve now and baby Jade will be one year old in July, if only Momma, if only you could have seen Andy and Lovey grow so very mcu and now baby Jade, shes so beautiful, just like you. I have come to see you but I really don;t think you know that, I don;t know where you are Momma but it has too be a better place then this world. You know I love my children with all of my heart and soul forever and always but alone, now I understand so much more than I ever did Momma when you were alive, how lonely you felt, nobody called, god Ma how sad your last yrs were and god will never forgive me nor myself for not being they’re for you enough, I miss you, my heart has this huge empty spot but the love, yes momma love forever and ever for you. Wish I could have made you proud, don;t think I make anybody proud but Lovey tells me she is and so does Andy. They are wonderful loving children and the baby Ma if only you could have held her just once. But wasn’t meant to be I guess, I don’t know how I feel about anything that happened then except for pain and hurt and lose of my Momma I think they’re was something else we could have done, but I was so messed up I couldn’t face losing you I never have, its been 4 yrs in May god Momma 4 yrs of not hearing your vioice, touching your beautiful soft face and hands, you had the most beautiful hands I have ever seen. Things have changed so much, I feel lost inside myself and it takes everything to go on every day, Lovey and Andy and Jade need me but Momma they won;t forever, soon Andy will be grown, Momma I am so very very sorry I didn’t make the time to be with you like I should have, nothing is more important then love. I love you and miss you everyday of my life every single minute of every single hor of every single day. Mothers day your birthday and your death all in the same month, god Ma how will I ever get thru it, guess I deserve the pain. Loving you Ma forever
07 February, 2000
Ma, Just sitting here thinking of so much, it’s now 2000. Time goes on doesn’t it, Lovey’s baby is so beautiful and she’s six months old and andy is twelve now, how i miss you, telling you these things and sharing with you, if only… but I guess we all say that don’t we. I love you Ma and miss you so much, life goes on but the heart remains the same… always and forever my love and missing you…
25 November, 1999
Canidce’s child was born, a beaituful child, a little girl, Jade Elizabeth We after her grandmother, she is now 4 month’s old on the 22nd of this month, how I wish you could have been they’re to see her, but you are not forgotten, not ever. Sue got you a lovey headstone, I had serious problems’s at first, but she did it out of love and thats what counts… it hurts teribly to see it they’re. before as usual I could play the game that I always have, but this time I knew under the stone lay my beloved mother, but I am trying so hard to believe and I know that your journey had begun on May 21st, I hope Daddy was waiting and grandma booth and your own mother, as I shall pray you will be waiting for me, but serious doubts for that, just one more time if I could see you, touch your face and hold you so close to me, but Ma of course like I said before, it would never be enough… I love you, may peace and happiness, joy and the beauty of all surround you, and for those left behind we can only pray that those wonderful things have come to my loving chersihed Ma… missing you, Christmas will be coming soon and I will be they’re on Christmas eve as I have always been… missing you, my heart Mom, well you know you will always know. I love you Sally
25 November, 1999
Today is Thanksgiving, how I wish we could be together to thank god that we were sharing this special time of thanks together… missing you Ma every sec evermin of my life. I love you. I have tryed to be strong, sometimes with success, others not so well, but Momma I wrote this, Far better that your at this place then where you we before, the pain is gone, your free at last, god gave you so much more. At night, I know Momma that your the brightest star in the sky, someday… you will be waiting for me I hope, I don’t deserve the heavens and the stars and the peace, but you my dearest Momma, you do… forever Ma your in my heart and soul, I lost a part of me in losing you, forgive me for not being what I should have been but always and always and forever, I shall cherish and love you with all of my heart… my dream is that you are surrounded in peace, your beloved ones that passed before you are with you and you are my special angel, for that I shall believe always, until god willing we meet again, let my love come to you, forver Mom I miss you… Love always until the end of all… Sally
09 May, 1999
Momma, Today is Mothers Day, May 9, 1999… I love you Momma forever and always. Miss you forever and ever and ever. May you be at peace Ma, I wish I was. I am lost without you. Nothing will ever be the same again. Candice is pregnant Mom, her child a daughter will be named after you Ma, Kaylin Elizabeth… I will tell her about you and show her pictures. She will know you Ma… I love you and miss you. My broken heart. Love Sally
16 December, 1998
If I had an entire lifetime to share with you whats been happening and how so many things have changed in my life, I still don’t think I would have enough time. I finally understand Ma, so much of what you went thru, because now Ma I am going thru it too and no one understands, and no one wants to hear it. I miss you so much Ma. I will be they’re soon to visit you Ma, up on the hill where you lay so deep below. I don’t want you they’re, but saddness and lonliness have come into my life and they will be with me forever. I love you Ma, forever and ever. My heart will never heal, your loss was to much. I am alone now and its so scarey and sad. Goodnight Ma My love always…..Sally
19 November, 1998
Miss you and love you with all of my heart. Christmas is almost here again, and how I wish you were here. I will be there on Christmas eve. We have never missed one yet together. But now it’s so heartbreaking to have to visit you in such a lonely sad place. I love you Ma, always and forever. So much to share with you, and I can’t. And I can’t get past this either Ma. My heart is broken and I want my Mother back. I love you Ma goodnight.
01 November, 1998
I miss you so much. Halloween just passed, and I wanted to come and see you, but it gets harder and harder for me to face the fact that you are really gone and I will never here your voice again. Sometimes when it’s really quiet, I close my eyes and make myself hear you talking. So much has happened Ma since you went away. I never believed or let myself at the time believe that you could really go away. I guess I was just lost then, nothing seemed real. I had talked to you the night before, you called to tell me you loved me, and the next day I get a call that you’re in the hospital. I believed, or at least I think I did, that you would wake again, no matter what they said. I prayed so hard Ma, I couldn’t get my thoughts together. You were in a coma for Mother’s Day and for your birthday. When you went away Ma, I couldn’t bear it, I don’t think I can yet. Time has not made it any easier. I remember when you used to talk about grandma Booth. You called her Momma. Oh Ma, why do so many terrible things happen? I miss you and love you and need you in my life, nothing will ever be the same without you, nothing. Andy is ten now, soon to be eleven. I wish so many things, but most of all I wish I had everything to do over again Ma, and I would do things so differently. How many people have said that I wonder, too many for sure. I love you Ma, I am trying to believe, because I need to find the comfort in knowing that you’re happy now, that you can walk and that you feel surrounded in love. My love forever Ma…..goodnight Ma
05 October, 1998
Candice and I are sitting here, loving and missing so very much. I love you Ma, goodnight….Love Sally
30 September, 1998
Ma, If only I could hear your voice, put my arms around you and hold you forever… I would never let go… like the pain in my heart, the emptyness of you. If only Ma, just one more time, but then one more time would never ever be enough…my entire lifetime would never be enough…I love you so. Our dreams get shattered, our worlds get torn apart, but no matter what happens Ma, you will always be in my heart. I love you forever.
22 September, 1998
To my darling, your precious love will remain in my life for an eternity, until we meet again, god permitting. Missing you Ma, and forever loving you. I wish we could have had more time. You were a gift, that passed into our lives and the memory shall remain embedded in my life and in my memory forever. Thank you for the gift Ma. I love you.
15 September, 1998
Please leave flowers for my darling mother Frances E. Tuttle who went to rest May 23, 1996 and whom I miss so very very much in my life.
Her loving daughter, Sally
4 September, 1998
these flowers are for my loving mother frances e. tuttle….love you ma