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Andres (Andy) M. Castaneda ❀ Visitors & Flowers

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resiver@wal-mart.com
21 May, 2008
My darling Andy
How the years pass so quickly but my memories of you are always there fresh in my mind like they were yesterday. It is almost your birthday. I still miss you, time may heal an open wound but one never forgets. Sometimes I wake at night and think you are there in the room with me and I tell you hello and I breath in your presence. Your grandfather passed a few weeks ago. I told your mother that you enjoyed his stories as did I and I know how much he meant to you. I hope that your spirit found his. I love you now as I always have.
Rachelle


“Doug & Lucy Cook” (Lordslake@msn.com)
19 June, 2004
Dear Mijo,
Today is June 19, your birthday. I’ve been thinking about it all week. What would I be doing to prepare for your birthday if you were here with me? What would I say to you today, if I could pick up the phone and call you? How I wish I could! It’s not just any day. Oh no. It’s not just any day. It’s such a special day for me and always will be.

I dreamed last night of a little boy. I guess it was you. It didn’t look like you or me in the dream. But I suppose it was us. The “me” in the dream was very close to the boy. He was very special. In the end, he went away. When I woke up I remembered. His hair was cut the way yours was when you were that age. I felt such a longing to be with you. I felt so terribly, terribly sad … as I do now. As I have all week, though I try not to.

I often look at your photos and think of you quickly. I feel badly when I do. I want to think of you more but I can’t. I know that if I do it will make me sad. Sometimes I can be happy and remember great things. The way we talked, the things we shared, the laughter. I try to hold onto those things. When I went to Austin for Sandi’s graduation it felt so good to be with friends who knew and loved you. They weren’t afraid to talk about you. On Mother’s Day I was with Jen and Stephen. It felt a little bit like being with you. Stephen is big and tall like you. Jen came to my room late at night and we talked, like you liked to do. They love me. I love them. We share a history that includes you. How wonderful that is to me. It’s what I have of you on earth now, until we are together again.

I often wonder what you would say to me about handling my sadness. “Do what you have to do, Mom. Don’t think of me so much if that’s what helps you.” I know you would give me good advice. But then I wonder how often you would let yourself cry if I was the one who was gone and you were here. What would you do? Would you call Nicki, like I did and ask her to pray with you? Just so you could share a moment together and say in your heart, “This is not just any day. This is Mom’s birthday.”

Doug is gone and I’m alone. Maybe it’s best that way this morning. I have this time with you, some time to pray … to cry. I try not to cry too often. I try to think about good things and how blessed I was to share what we had. I love you, Andy. I know you loved me. There’s no way to make the pain of missing you go away. I’ve learned that. It’s just something to learn to live with, like a missing limb. I know life on earth will never be the same. But I also know we’ll see each other again someday. I know that. And for you it will be like no time has passed. Maybe for me it will be that way too by then. The scriptures say there are no tears in heaven. Good. I will have cried them all by then anyway.

Happy Birthday, Mijo. This is not just any day.
Love,
Mom


“Doug Cook” (Lordslake@msn.com)
24 December, 2003
Mijo
It is Christmas Eve 2003. Outside the sun is shining but yesterday it rained. That is how my heart is … sun and rain … beyond my own control. But through the changes in the weather, both in and outside my heart, God is there. I know it. This is a season of peace, but there is no peace on earth; it only exists in our hearts if we have the anchor of our faith. What peace I have is only through the Lord. I miss you, Andy. Everyday I miss you as I go through my life’s new landscape. That you are not here is a constant heartache. I miss your laugh, your smile. I achingly miss our conversations! The hours passed so quickly when we were together. I wanted to hear everything you had to say. You shared yourself with me so willingly. I recall those conversations now and thank God for them. I thank Him for your life, your love, your friendship, your compassion and forgiveness when I fell short. I know yours will be one of the first faces waiting for me on that other shore. I look forward to that day of reunion with Our Creator and with you. I love you. I love you. How very much I love you, son.
Mom


Easter Sunday, April 20, 2003
Jesus said, “Destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up again,” but He didn’t mean the temple that had taken 46 years to build of bricks and stone. He meant the temple of His body. And He meant the resurrection from the dead after His crucifixion. He rose from the dead and those who die an earthly death believing in Him will also live again, as you do Mijo. I know this as I know the sun rose in the sky this morning over the mountains I can see from my front windows. Doug and I went to the Easter services at Diamond Stadium in Lake Elsinore and I felt the reality of God’s promise to us…that those who die in Christ will live again for all eternity in Paradise. I know as surely as I know that there is a Divine Creator of all we see that I will see you again. I’m not comforted by myths and legends, but by what my intelligence tells me is real and what the Holy Spirit reveals to me, and what the seed of faith planted in me assures me. Yes, I am thinking of you this day of resurrection. I love you today and always, Mom


03 December, 2002
Mijo
The Christmas season is starting and I was thinking about you. It doesn’t make me miss you more, because more is not possible. But it brings different memories. And I thought about Christmas before last, when we went to Denver. I can picture your face smiling down at me as we walked down the street looking in the shop windows. I think of you in that awesome leather coat you tried on. You looked like a Warrior with it on. Truly Indian. I wish I could have afforded to buy it for you.

I’m glad I was with you on New Year’s Eve. We didn’t know it would be your last one. I remembered later that when we used to part I never cried. I was always happy to have been with you, at peace that you were doing all right, eager for the next visit. I knew that distance could not separate us. But that last time, do you remember I cried? It was strange to me at that time that I did. Now I know why.
I miss you more. My heart is broken.
I love you,
Mom


Richard Araujo (Richard_Araujo@hotmail.com)
28 September, 2002
Andy,
You’d probably call me a wuss for crying over looking at your pictures on the internet. And I’d probably agree with you. But seeing pictures of you as a child is what’s really hard, because I remember all the great times we had and the fact that we are so far removed from there. No matter how big we grew, or how different we looked, we always got along. I remember us hanging out even as we got older. I still joke about you and your antics to my friends. It’s probably not wirth telling them you past away. Let ’em laugh at the stories. I laugh too. Your mom wrote on your site that you’ll never see old age, you’ll always be young and some day you’ll greet us when we get there. Could you try to see to it that I show up at about 24. Maybe then we could hang out some more. I have been reading a lot of stuff lately about enjoying today and not wasting memories you could make for those that have since passed. I’m trying man, believe me I’m trying. I saw a guy on a Harley the other day. I thought it was a glimpse of you in the future. He was forty something, about your size, with long black hair. It was a bitter sweet blessing. Thanks for releaving some of my stress, frustration and sadness. Thanks for listening little cousin.
Love Mike


“jsiverly” (jsiverly@attbi.com)
18 September, 2002
My Dearest Love, My Best Friend, My Andy
My life is so hard now. I can not get used to being without you. I cry so much and I know you hated it when I cried. I try not to. I really do. I want so much to be the strong woman you thought I was but I am so weak now. It is only the way that you loved me that keeps me here on this earth. I want to be gone but your spirit tells me to stay until the day God calls me. I get so mad at that! I want my soul to be by you now not later in my life. I hear you when you speak to me it brings me comfort. I wish you were here so much! I wish you could tell me that I would be ok because I dont think I will. I am trying to be strong like you would of wanted but, it is so hard Andy. When I think of your fire I pray that I can have that also. Do you know how much I talk to you? Your picture is still on my desk at work so I can look at you everyday. People who do not know us say to me oh who is that man that you are so in love with?? I say you. I always try to remember all the words you said to me and how you taught me to be strong. I wonder how do I walk this path alone without you by my side. It is only the feeling of you that keeps me here. I have a ticket to Europe. I am afraid to go without you remember? I look at our movies I see your face and I cry but I smile because God granted me the most beautiful gift and that was you my love and only you. I forever will thank God for you. I breathe, my heart beats, I live but only because one day I know I will be able to hold you again and hear you whisper in my ear that I am your woman and you love me. You are EVERYTHING to me. Time and you not here on this earth will NEVER change that for me. Fifi had a baby so did Burp. My mother wants the juke jug band to play for her she says I am the pickle head and the Cletus. I tell her you were always Cletus and she laughs. I think of you everyday and every night. I look at your side of the bed and wish so much that you were coming home and would lay next to me. I am only waiting to be by your side. I love you my dearest man. I still and always will wear your ring. My life is yours as it always has been. You are in my veins no one can take that from me. I love you Andy.
Rachelle Castaneda


Doug and Lucy (designengin@earthlink.net)
24 August, 2002
Dear Mijo
Grandma, Grandpa and Tio Fred are in California visiting us. Being with them and the rest of the family at David Andres’ dedication made me think so much of you. What a gift you were in my life, son. No mother could have asked for more. I miss you more today than a year ago. I guess that’s the way it works. I sometimes think I can still pick up the phone and call you. How I wish I could! Your affection and your words of encouragement always filled my heart and comforted me. Your stories and your enthusiasm about what you were doing made me happy. You always made me laugh. That happiness was like food.
Happiness and joy are different. I’ve learned that. Happiness is dependent on what happens around you … on circumstances. Joy is dependent on what happens within you. Sometimes, I am not happy. My grief is deep. But I have the joy of the Lord inside. I have you in my heart, Mijo. I guess you could say I’m broken-hearted, but my soul is intact.
I love you forever,
Mom


17 August, 2002
Andy,
Today your Mom and I drove to Ontario to pick up your Grandpa for the the Dedication of Little David tomorrow. Your namesake is very handsome and smiles all of the time. Your Mom has had more opportunities to see him than I have, but I always hear about his smile and what a terrific personality he has.
Andy, our thoughts of you will be on everyone’s mind as will the Dedication of David and he will continue to remind us of you. Your presence is still with me, every day I pray for your Mother to be comforted by God’s grace and love, I miss you. I know that your eternal life must be beautiful, far beyond mortal comprehension.
Doug


jaraujojr@integrity.com@integrity.com
04 August, 2002
Andy,
We have missed you greatly since you left us. We know where you are and we share the hope that we will see you again soon. You are experiencing the greatest of all joys as we write. Our son David Andres will be dedicated on 8/18/02. He will always remind us of you until the time that we meet again.
Love always,
Jesse, Patty and David Araujo


JessAraujo@aol.com
01 August, 2002
Andy, I am only now beginning to understand the enormous scope of your impact on the many people who were fortunate enough to have known you, Your unassuming nature and mello personality often masked the dramatic qualities that made you so unique and remarkable. I noticed and witnessed those qualities many times and wondered at how easily you made people feel at ease and content in your presence. I so regret that we never got to take that often talked about Harley ride together. You had such a special attitude about dealing with life and its ups and downs and that enabled you to focus so well on the people instead of the problems. Your tia Donna and I remember you fondly very often and take comfort in knowing that we will be with you again. In the meantime, it seems to somehow bring us closer to you when we talk about the great times and warm memories we have of time spent with you. Not having you here has left a big hole in our hearts as we endure the reality that we will have to await for a yet unknown date to once again be uplifted by your powerful spirit and your never ending humor and practical jokes. I miss you terribly mijo.
Tio Jess


Sutton Glenda (Glenda.Sutton@HCAHealthcare.com)
30 July, 2002
Dear Andy:
I was very sad yesterday and struggled through the day anxious to talk to your mother, I worried about her. As the day passed, I spoke to Sean several times and he gave me strength to maintain. Why did I worry about your mother? When I finally spoke to her very late in the evening, she comforted me, just as she always does. You grew to be an image of your mother with so many beautiful characteristics and I feel blessed to have enjoyed the many years in your presence. God put you and your family in our life in 1978 and our love and friendship grew to the power of facing anything together. Every day I thank God for your mother’s strong faith and that He gave Doug to her knowing she would need both to travel the path she has had to travel over the last year. I miss you – Love, Glenda.


Christina Perkins (mcperkins@mail.utexas.edu)
29 July, 2002
Andy, how the memories of you continue to sustain us and bring joy to our hearts, and today we share our thoughts and prayers. Many times I will recall a certain smile, a laugh, a deep thought, or a conversation we shared or I heard you share with your family, Jen, Stephen, or Jerry. From the time you were a little boy we shared many happy and memorable times together and I hold these so dearly in my heart. I watched you grow into a young man of substance and character who cared deeply about those dear to you and appreciated the beauty and intricacies surrounding you. Your gentle heart and loving ways endeared you to me as my own son, you were my mijo. We learned from you Andy, you made a difference and impacted our lives, and we miss you. Every time I see a breathtaking sunrise or sunset, the night skyline dotted with gleaming stars, hear the ocean waves, I feel your joy smiling at us. God sends his angels to keep watch over us. Forever in our hearts and in our thoughts your niños, Jen, Stephen and Adame family.


“Rachelle E> Siverly” (rsiverly@hotmail.com)
29 July, 2002
My Dearest Andres,
On March 19, 1998 under a full moon on the Grand Canal in Venice Italy on a gondala that I have dreamed of riding in since I was a child you bent down on one knee and poured out your beautiful heart to me and asked me to marry you. Everytime I think of that moment I am reminded of the beautiful love that we shared. From the very beginning when I first saw you I knew that I wanted to be with you. You were my very very best friend. You were my strength when I was weak, you knew my thoughts before I even said a word. I always thought if my vein was cut not only would my blood run out but yours would also. You and I were entwined as Ivy around a tree. When I cried you held me in your big strong arms and told me everything would be ok. We loved to laugh together and I miss all your funny stories of your family and the practical jokes you played at work. I can only hope and pray my dearest love that you know how very very much I love you and have always loved you. I am no longer complete. You made me the woman that I am and forever I thank you for that. You reached inside my heart and brought out the part that no one else bothered to see. I thank your mother for bringing you into the world and showing you such great love for your relationship with her was beautiful. Everyday I mourn you, Everyday I honor you, Everyday I smile at you. I regret not one moment of our life we had together and our love. I would do it all over again. Know that forever I am your woman, and forever you are in my heart. I love you my beautiful man. I thank God for you. Mi Cielo, Mi Vida, Mi Corazon.
Love Always your wife,
Rachelle (your little mokey with the curly red hair)


“Aurora A. Dyer” (adyer@mission-cons.k12.tx.us)
29 July, 2002
Andy,
Although I never did get the opportunity to meet you, I have been blessed with having had the Lord place your mother in my path. My life has been so enriched by her friendship, knowledge and wisdom. Your mom has the best of memories of you and unshakeable faith!! I know that you are now her special angel who smiles at her and her love for you is endless…Most sincerely, Aurora & Jackie Dyer, Mission, Texas


“Sutton, Sean” (sean.sutton@tcb.aecom.com)
29 July, 2002
Andy,
I knew you when you were the shy boy in the first picture. You were my first best friend, that’s something that I will never forget. It is so hard to believe that you’ve been gone a year, but we all share a comfort that comes from knowing that you are in heaven now and forever. Your mother is a constant source of strength and faith for all of us, and I promise you that we will be the same for her, whenever she needs it. I feel blessed to have known you Andy. God bless you.


Doug Cook (designengin@earthlink.net)
29 July, 2002
Good morning ‘Mijo,
The sky is blue in Lake Elsinore. I know it is more beautiful still in Paradise. I have missed you so much this past year. I miss your calls and your encouragement. I miss laughing with you. I think of you throughout the day, every day. I pray that God will remind you that your mother thinks of you. I pray that somehow you still remember my love. I know that for you our separation will be like a heartbeat and it comforts me. And someday, for me, waiting to see you will be over. ‘Mijo, I look forward to that day. The thought sustains me. Mom


“Evan and Renee” (rcabrer2@san.rr.com)
29 July, 2002
Dear Andy –
We regret we were unable to get to know you better while you were here on earth. From the stories your Mom shares with us, you were one cool dude!
What a honor it must be to be riding high in Heaven. . . on a Harley. . .with the Lord!
Here’s to the day we meet again!
Love,
Renee & Evan Cook


Doug Cook (designengin@earthlink.net)
29 July, 2002
Hi Andy
I miss you Andy. The times we spent together were short and few, but they were full of joy. I think about you everyday, especially remembering the relationship you had with your Mom. I have never known, seen or heard of a Mother and Son relationship more beautiful than yours. Yes Andy, I miss you, I also miss the smile on your Mother’s face when she spoke about you so lovingly. A late night phone call, just to say hello. Or a long and serious conversation, but always there was joy, always the thought about the next time we would see or hear from you.
Your Mom still smiles and often laughs when she speaks of you. In fact, you have given us so many joyful moments; remembering your humor, your enthusiasm for life. We often talk about your times with Grandpa and Grandma, teasing and wrestling with Nicki, at our wedding, in the snow, working on your car, riding the tractor, all kinds of things. Enough to keep us laughing and smiling for a long time, many, many memories.
This web site is a wonderful way to say what we are thinking and feeling in our hearts. I know that the flowers we leave for you will sometimes be sad. I pray that through this web site we can also remember and speak of the joyful times with words of praise for the loving heart you willingly shared with us.
Every day I thank the Lord for sharing Lucy’s heart with me. I also thank the Lord for you, your sharing heart, and what your relationship with your Mother means to me.
Thank you Andy, for making my life so much richer, so much more meaningful.
Doug